INDY POWER’S PECAN CLUSTER GRANOLA

MAKES: 8 SERVINGS INGREDIENTS

100g pecans

70g mixed seeds

30g ground flaxseed

75g Flahavan’s Gluten Free Oats 45ml maple syrup

40g coconut sugar

45ml melted coconut oil

75g cashew butter

Salt

7 Large cabinet originally used for storing weapons (7)

8 Ideas, opinions (7)

10 Fondness or regard for someone (10)

11 (and 12 across, 15 across) Proverb suggesting that swapping two things of equal value is considered an honest deal (4,8,2,2,7)

12 See 11 across

14 Pressing (6)

15 See 11 across

19 Boat basin with moorings (6)

20 Not reserved (8)

22 Early 20th-century art movement (4)

23 Come on, hurry up! (3,1,4,2)

25 Edmund, the late, great mountaineer (7)

26 Southern German state which has Munich as its capital (7)

DOWN

1 Reason which you pretend has caused you to do something (7)

2 System of philosophy and exercise (4)

3 Parentless child (6)

4 Tiny hero in many folk tales (3,5)

5 Spoiled in appearance; scarred (10)

6 US state that ‘wanted’ R Dean Taylor in 1971 (7)

9 Discuss terms with a view to change them (11)

13 Welcoming, kind, friendly (10)

16 A building, such as a greenhouse or a conservatory, for the growing of fruit (8)

17

QI have been with my husband for 14 years. His first marriage had broken up many years previously due to his wife’s adultery. We have always had a problem with his ex. She has never accepted that he has moved on with his life, even though she remarried long before my husband and I even met. She has tried everything to break us up.

His children are now adults but his eldest son has profound learning difficulties and health issues, and has been living with us during lockdown to keep him safe (we have been in complete isolation with him). We never usually ask for anything and we love him dearly, but this extended time is causing us financial hardship. His mother is not willing to give his benefits payments to us, but has offered €20 a week to help cover his keep. I know that he receives a lot more than this and, after all, it is his money, not his mother’s. My husband cannot stand up to her – never has, never will. Over the years, we have been subjected to the worst kind of emotional blackmail with the children being used as weapons. I have had to endure insults and name-calling from his ex. I think she found it difficult to see how happy we were and that her children liked me. She knows she can walk all over my husband and this causes a lot of tension and arguments between us. I feel she is doing what she has always wanted: ruining our marriage. I honestly don’t know what to do.

It would be so sad if your husband’s vindictive ex-wife came between you. I wonder if he is harbouring some misplaced guilt about the divorce which makes it difficult for him to stand up to her bullying? Sometimes people feel that it’s their fault when they leave a relationship, even though they had every reason to do so. We often hear of women being bullied by men, but sometimes wives can be controlling, abusive and aggressive, too. It might be that your husband was really ground down and undermined over the years by his ex, and it has left him with emotional scars. It would have been easier for his former wife to do this if your husband had a difficult childhood – do you know if his parents were supportive or whether he never felt valued or loved by one or both of them? If the latter was the case, he might have developed low self-esteem – hence the subconscious choice of a dominant first wife. So talk to him gently about all this. If you explore his reasons together it might enable him to recognise that he doesn’t have to give in to her all the time and it would help your relationship. Also try reading

AI’ve had to endure insults and she uses the children

as weapons

by Anne-Renée Testa.