Is food your comfort blanket?
OUR AWARD-WINNING HEALTH AND WELLBEING EXPERT
A few years ago I visited the author and brilliant nutritional therapist Amelia Freer for a consultation. I remember her asking me whether my emotions played a role in my eating habits. Did I reward myself with food if I was happy? Or did I use food as a comfort blanket if I felt sad or overwhelmed? ‘I don’t think I do either,’ I replied, to which she said, ‘You’re very lucky, that’s rare.’
‘Many of our emotional eating habits may stem back to our childhood,’ Amelia told me more recently. ‘And the messages around food that we were taught then, such as finishing everything on our plates or being “rewarded” with sweets and chocolate, can create subconscious patterns of emotion around food.’
Emotional eating is complex because everyone has a different ‘trigger’ that causes them to reach for the fridge door. Amelia explains that these could be major life events, but they can also be smaller daily stresses that invoke negative feelings such as fear and loneliness. These can leave us feeling that we have to fill a ‘void’. On the other hand, she says, ‘Some of us equate happiness and success with food treats, such as eating a lavish meal to celebrate a promotion, which may lead to confusing feelings of guilt afterwards.’ Of course, not all emotion around food is detrimental – food is, after all, an important part of social and emotional health – but the key, Amelia says, is working out which parts serve us and which don’t.
Having witnessed many of my friends struggling with emotional eating over the years, which has led them to yo-yo dieting (and often yo-yoing in weight), it is clear to me that diets don’t fix
ASK YOURSELF IF YOU’RE ‘STOMACH HUNGRY’ OR ‘HEAD HUNGRY’
anything unless the underlying feelings about food have been worked out first. Our attitude towards it is the most important part of healthy eating – before we even think about putting anything in our mouths. Amelia, who works with a psychologist in her clinic, agrees: ‘It is common for people to lose weight on a “diet” only to find they are soon back at square one and emotionally eating again.’
So what can we do to help ourselves? If you feel you are an emotional eater, then Amelia recommends seeking help from a qualified health professional.
She also has some advice for when your mood is making you reach for the Ben & Jerry’s…
Ask yourself, are you truly hungry? It’s all too easy to grab a biscuit if you feel slightly uncomfortable in yourself, so Amelia suggests working out first if you are actually hungry using a ‘hunger scale’. The idea is that you ‘score yourself on a scale from one (not hungry at all) to ten (ravenous), and only eat when you’re a six/seven or above’.
Are you ‘stomach hungry’ or ‘head hungry’? Amelia suggests asking yourself if you fancy the taste of something or are seeking a distraction or reward. ‘Eating for distraction can be particularly pronounced when we are feeling negative emotions such as stress or boredom,’ she says.
Create a food-free treat jar. Instead of eating, take time to acknowledge how you are feeling, then take positive action to improve your mood. Amelia suggests an alternative to the cookie jar in the form of ‘non-food’ treats to nourish your soul in place of eating, such as listening to music, reading a magazine, being creative or hugging your dog. @susannahtaylor_; ameliafreer.com
1 Song by 17 down which was covered by Eric Clapton (1,4,3,7)
9 Song which gave 17 down a top ten hit in 1977 (7)
10 Gloried (7)
11 Russian money (7)
12 17 down’s type of music (6)
14 Instrument played by Peter Tosh on some of
17 down’s songs (5)
15 Heavenly stringed instrument (4)
16 Represents the zodiac sign of Cancer (4)
19 Weakens gullible sorts? (4)
21 ‘Is This ______’: 1978 top ten hit for 17 down (4) 22 ‘______ up the Ladder’: 1964 single released by 17 down (5)
24 1977 album by 17 down (6)
26 Historical region of Germany (7)
28 Bird which eats the flesh of dead animals (7)
29 Second or new hearing for a court case (7)
30 Feelingly (15)
DOWN
1 Harmful, damaging (9)
2 Where the Beatles first hit it big (7)
3 Insignificant (8)
4 Where children are educated (4,6)
5 Wise or prudent – especially in cooking (4) 6 Run off to wed (5)
7 Figure (7)
8 Sweet made of butter, cream and sugar (5)
13 17 down was one (4,6)
17 Late Jamaican singer/songwriter (3,6)
18 Non-electric music (8)
20 Unsatisfactory situation (7)
23 Implant (7)
24 First name chosen by Declan McManus (5)
25 Small flap of tissue at the back of the throat (5)
27 Little Women woman (4)
SOLUTION TO NO 1,732
QWhen I was 17, I met a student teacher while at college and he changed my life. He was the first boy to walk me home, a mile from town, and then walk five miles back to his house. He was always happy and good company. We quickly became very close and got on so well. He told me he was 23 which shocked me but he said although it seemed a big difference then, that when I was 20 and he was 26, it would be fine. He was really loving and affectionate and we were very happy together. Then he went away for six weeks in the summer and asked me if I would write to him. We exchanged loving letters, but then they stopped just before he was due to come back. When he returned I contacted him to see if we could meet at the college dance and he said his parents were visiting which I knew was just an excuse. I saw him many times afterwards as he sang in a band, but although he was never with anyone he had obviously met someone else. He was friendly but the feeling had gone. I am now 74, happily married and have three grown-up children yet I still think about this man. He would be 80 now and I long to know if he is still alive and what happened to him. Why can’t I get him out of my mind? I met him in 1963 and last saw him in 1965, yet I still cannot forget him. What is wrong with me and why do I still think of him after all this time?
APerhaps one reason you are not able to forget this man is because he was your first love, and you have never had an explanation for why he stopped seeing you. This can make it hard to accept when a relationship is over, and there can be a feeling of ‘what if’ that is hard to shift. While 17 and 23 is not a big age gap, these are different stages of life. I suspect that he might have ended it because he was a teacher and you were a schoolgirl. Perhaps he realised that this was not quite right or maybe someone said something to him. He sounds lovely and a gentleman, but for a teacher to have a relationship with anyone under 18 is a situation that could be open to an abuse of power – there are even laws against it now. Another reason why you may not be able to forget him is that as people get into their older years, it is easier to look back on happy memories than to look forward. You have idealised him in your memories and are fantasising not just about the relationship but your own lost youth, too, which is understandable. This is especially true if you feel a little unfulfilled (which is possible even in a happy marriage). I am not sure that it would be a good idea to contact him. If he was still alive, you might be very disappointed that he was not how you remembered or you could be terribly hurt if he had not thought of you as you have of him. Leave it as a happy memory.
I’m happily married, so why can’t I get him out of my mind?
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