SHOULD I BE WORRIED ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND?

QMy daughter is in her early 20s. She is in her second year at university but has been living at home since Christmas. She’s had a boyfriend for a year and was really missing him so he moved in with us before the third lockdown. Me, my husband and our younger son (who is 17) get on well with him. However, I realised that he’s been smoking marijuana in my daughter’s bedroom. We’re unhappy about this and are worried she may be smoking it, too. We are anxious about where it could lead. Should I say something to him – or my daughter? I don’t want to make her angry and risk alienating her, and I don’t want to get into an argument with her boyfriend. But I am concerned.

AYes, this is difficult because – as you point out – your daughter could react badly to criticism of her boyfriend and you don’t want to drive her away. But it is a huge worry for you and, of course, smoking marijuana is illegal. You are right that it can lead to stronger drugs. Talk to her boyfriend directly – it may be better if you can catch him alone. Start by saying how much you all like him and how well he fits in. Then say that you must, however, insist that he doesn’t smoke marijuana in your house, as it is illegal and you are worried about him and your daughter. Ask if he realises that even though it is considered a soft drug, it has been linked to mental health problems, such as depression and schizophrenia. Keep calm and approach this with concern and care rather than disapproval or anger. Go to drugsandalcohol.ie for helpful advice on talking to your child about drugs.

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