WhatsApp group names can spring up from the funniest, most random things
y friend and I were in the cinema recently with our kids. The movie was the usual kid-fare: hijinx and mildly funny one-liners – so I was bemused when my pal started shaking with laughter beside me.
‘What is it?’ I asked.
‘Your phone,’ she pointed to where I’d propped it in the cupholder. In the darkness it was glowing with WhatsApp notifications dropping in. One of my groups was bopping and the name of the chat was clearly the source of her amusement: ‘It’s a finger.’
‘Why is it called “It’s a finger”?’ she asked. ‘Who’s in the group?!’
‘It’s my family WhatsApp group.’
‘Of course it is,’ she deadpanned.
‘It’s called “It’s a finger” because when I set up the group, I used a cute picture of a little monkey wrapped around a finger and the sickos in my family thought the monkey was clinging to a penis so I changed the group name.’
The WhatsApp group name is worth unpacking, I think. Sure some of the monikers are purely utilitarian – ‘The school group chat’; ‘The estate chat’ – but among friends the names and their origins run from the funny to the bizarre, and often shape the very essence of the group.
One of my chats is called The Mini
Balding Man Club and was formed in 2016, the year when I and three friends all produced baby boys, aka mini balding men.
The MBMC is a repository for all medicinal moaning about our children that has to be done in order to keep us sane. It’s a group that has time and again helped me not flee my family in the night when said children seem to be actively trying to antagonise me.
Often a WhatsApp group created for a single reason can last far beyond its original raison d’etre. ‘Siobhán’s Hen’ has been going strong for years – even outlasting Siobhán’s actual marriage.
In my new novel, The Snag List, the three main characters form a WhatsApp group (also called ‘The Snag List’) to pester their builder to come back and sort out a few bits in their houses. The group chat soon spawns an idea for a business venture that ultimately blows apart all of their lives.
WhatsApp group names can spring up from the funniest, most random things. I am in one group just called ‘Chicken Wings’, in which the participants update the group with pictures and a full report every time anyone has chicken wings. We even have a chicken emoji rating system: five chickens is outstanding, three and four chickens denote reasonable, and one or two chickens suggest some significant issues: too vinegary, too dry, you know yourself.
Far from frivolous, Chicken Wings is providing a vital public service – over the years we have amassed an exhaustive and essential archive of chicken wing purveyors all over the island. Meanwhile, some of my historic groups have been formed for so long that no one remembers the origin of the name. For reasons lost to the passage of time, my college friends’ WhatsApp is called ‘Put It In The Boot Connor’, while with other groups I wish I could forget the story behind the name, such as the one I’m in called ‘Nature’s Douche’. I’ll spare you the back story.
On occasion, the WhatsApp name can get you in trouble. During a recent work Zoom call, I shared my screen, not realising that my desktop WhatsApp was open. One of my groups chats boasts the extremely mature title ‘F**k Off ____’. The _____ in question is a well-known Irish celebrity that we’ve all taken agin. I know, I know, we’re bitches but in the privacy of WhatsApp we can be our toxic catty selves. Unloading our darkness in a group chat helps us to not be raving bitches in real life. If you think about it, unleashing on WhatsApp is practically a safety measure. If I didn’t have my group chats to vent to, I’d probably be walking around screaming at people in the street.
Then there’s the ‘side group’ phenomenon. Many big group chats will have a side group. This is usually born when someone in the main group is being annoying. It’s a safe space to slide into and offload, and ensures that we don’t go postal in the main group. If you are reading this and thinking, ‘what is she talking about? I’m not in any side groups’, then I have some bad news for you: you could well be the topic of the side group. But don’t worry, we’re probably all the subject of a couple of side groups.
I am aware that all this probably makes me sound like a terrible person but who among us isn’t vaguely awful at times?
Also I firmly believe that unleashing our true bitchy nature in a private WhatsApp group among friends is far healthier than posting on anonymous online forums.
During the pandemic, the group chats became a lifeline and are probably responsible for the survival of my marriage. When we were hitting the tolerance wall with the situation, the group chat was always there. Just be careful not to let others see the names of said group chats!
The Snag List by Sophie White is published by Hachette Ireland and available now
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