THE WEDDING GUEST LIST HAS BECOME A MINEFIELD

QMy son and his fiancée are getting married this summer. They had a large wedding planned but have scaled it down because of worries about their mortgage. This means they are cutting the guest list. Luckily, they haven’t yet sent out invitations so no one will know that they were an also-ran. However, I come from a large family. I’m one of six siblings, and have several nieces and nephews who live a long way away and won’t be included. I understand that my son and his fiancée don’t know them well, but I am still worried it will cause offence. How do I explain the situation to my siblings if they ask?

AWeddings can be a minefield. Ultimately, it is the couple’s day and it is their choice, so if any of your siblings do complain to you, the best approach is honesty. Tell them that your son and his fiancée need to keep costs down and that they feel sad about not being able to invite everyone. If they are reasonable people, then they will understand. (Some may even feel relieved they don’t have to travel.) If some take offence then that is up to them. Don’t get defensive or upset in return, just keep saying kindly and calmly that, yes, you understand and you wish it was possible to include everyone but it just isn’t. Plan B: if your son and his fiancée were willing, there may be alternative ways to keep costs down with more people – such as hiring a barn or a cheaper venue with friends providing flowers and others bringing (or contributing to) food and drink instead of presents. Weddings don’t have to be lavish to be magical.