EVERYONE’S TALKING ABOUT
Tomorrow’s world
Not over at Spaceport Cornwall they aren’t.
OK, not there.
Obviously the first satellite launch from the UK was doomed. Nothing works here.
Richard Branson was undoubtedly aiming high.
Unlike his rocket launcher.
Virgin Orbit explained that the failure was caused by an ‘anomaly’.
Ah, one of those. Didn’t Branson say ‘once we start it up, we’ll never stop’?
He did say that.
What he meant was ‘once we start it up, there’s a fighting chance it’ll end up in the sea’.
Branson is an optimistic man. But that’s not the only news of scientific innovation. At CES in Las Vegas, the world’s top tech show, Samsung recently unveiled an artificial intelligence oven that will let you livestream your cooking.
Just what the world needs: footage of me burning a cake.
That won’t be happening: the oven (price unconfirmed) also has state-of-the-art burn detection.
I’ve already got that: a simple process I’ve pioneered myself. Open door. Sniff.
Similar sentiments have already been expressed on social media. One Twitter user quipped ‘congrats to Samsung on inventing the window’.
What else can this thing do?
It can spot 80 different ingredients and dishes. It’s also health-aware and will make meal recommendations accordingly.
Great. A preachy oven. What else is hot?
BMW is wondering if you’d like a colour-changing car.
Just imagine the headaches that would cause.
Twitter users are in agreement with you. One opined that it’s bad enough remembering which level you’ve parked on without having to recall what colour the car was when you left it.
Can’t the car manufacturers invent something that’s a bit more useful?
Volkswagen’s ID.7 electric car will be able to travel more than 650km before recharging and is due to go on sale next year.
What a shame Branson didn’t have a chat with Volkswagen before blastoff.
Well, if it’s practicality you’re after, may we direct you to the urine scanner?
That sounds jolly.
U-Scan is the first hands-free, home urine lab.
‘Hands-free’ feels like an important feature here.
But if you’re not holding it, then… This 90mmround pod is installed under the toilet rim.
That’s a relief; I thought it was wearable tech. What does U-Scan do once it’s rim-side?
It promises ‘an immediate snapshot of the body’s balance’.
So, when my oven’s finished preaching to me about my diet, the loo’s going to get in on the act, too?
In tomorrow’s world all your gadgets will know your intimate secrets.
And how will U-Scan inform me of my dietary shortcomings? Will there be an in-loo lecture?
No, the pod contains a cartridge that collects your data and sends it to the Health Mate app so you can peruse it at your leisure.
I assume it’s light years away and will cost the earth…
U-Scan is due to launch in the middle of the year and retail at €570, although the cartridges (lasting three months) will cost an additional €34 each.
They’ve missed a trick with the name, though…
Have they?
Of course. How can you not call it pee-pal?
You have clearly missed your calling. Back to Cornwall, where Melissa Thorpe, head of UK Spaceport, has sounded a note of optimism despite the failure of
the Virgin Orbit mission.
‘ONCE WE START IT UP, WE’LL NEVER STOP’, BRANSON SAID OF HIS BIG ROCKET
What has Melissa said?
‘This isn’t the first time we’ve been knocked… we’ll get up and we’ll go again.’
And what if things go wrong at Spaceport Cornwall a second time?
Then writer Sam Wollaston has formulated the perfect Mayday signal: ‘Helston, we have a problem’.