ROSIE GREEN Is nookie really the cure for sleeplessness?
Forget Provençal lavender pillow sprays, megabucks mattresses or listening to dreamboats like Chris Hemsworth reading a (kid’s) bedtime story – sex is the cheapest, most natural sleep aid available.
So says a large proportion of the male population. Hmm.
I thought this was one of those myths surrounding coitus and male ‘needs’ along the same lines as the ‘blue balls’ (OK, epididymal hypertension) claims that I heard in my teenage years, propagated by guys who really just wanted some action.
Who is right? As a sex columnist, I thought I should investigate.
Of all the sex tropes, the one that depicts a woman wanting a deep and meaningful conversation – or at least a cuddle – post-lovemaking, while the man beside her is already in deep slumber, is one of the most enduring. (Although Cosmo Landesman would beg to disagree – see page 26.) You can just imagine history’s great lovers experiencing similar scenarios: Cleopatra wanting to pillow-talk military tactics with Antony, but thwarted because he is already in the land of nod. Or Beyoncé trying to discuss the vocal layering on her latest track while Jay-Z is out for the count.
Serendipitously, an email on the subject pings into my inbox from hypnotherapist and psychotherapist Malminder Gill, and it has hard evidence to support men’s theory. It cites a study examining the link between sex and sleep by Dr Michele Lastella, a sleep researcher at CQ University in Australia. It reported that 60 per cent of people polled say their sleep improved after sex (that is, with a partner and involving an orgasm).
Can it be the boys might – gasp – be right? Is their supposition that nookie is a superior, more natural alternative to Nytol true?
I do some googling (in a coffee shop – apologies to the person sipping their almond latte next to me) and here are my findings: an orgasm stimulates the release of oxytocin, the feel-good hormone, and also serotonin, a mood-boosting chemical messenger. This in turn creates melatonin, which plays a part in regulating sleep patterns. Still with me at the back? There’s more. After sex the body releases prolactin, the hormone responsible for postcoital sleepiness. And here’s the kicker: men make much more prolactin than women.
I imagine the tap dance my boyfriend will do when I tell him this. So I don’t. It gives me time to compose a counter argument.
While I can’t deny the physiological justification for men’s lack of postcoital chat (‘My body made me do it’), I can proffer the argument that we are not animals, rather sophisticated human beings who require an emotional element to intercourse.
Sex as a tranquilliser feels a bit too transactional and while I like to be helpful, there are limits.
In other news, sleep is becoming a bigger deal in my relationship. As we move forwards, become each other’s emergency contacts and know each other’s favourite Quality Street (important) we also now routinely discuss how we slept. I know – sexy.
But I think it’s part of the pact of being in a couple – you have to listen to each other’s sleep updates. You know, the old ‘it took me ages to get off’ and ‘shouldn’t have had that coffee after lunch’. This chat is complicated by the fact that my boyfriend doesn’t know how he slept until his Whoop – a fitness gadget thing – tells him.
When it bestows the information upon him, he then likes to screenshot it and send me his ‘score’ with a detailed breakdown of disturbances, quality and wake-up times. (Which in itself is a sleep aid for me.)
The boyfriend is prone to waking at 3am and then finds it hard to get back to sleep, so this is the only time I’ll sanction another woman in the bedroom – Kate Middleton. She reads a mean children’s bedtime story.
I THOUGHT IT WAS A MYTH SPREAD BY GUYS WHO WANTED SOME ACTION