How to smell like Victoria Beckham
It’s a heady time in the world of celebrity fragrance.
Isn’t it always?
I mean more than usual. Victoria Beckham has released a fragrance. Three, in fact.
Right.
Don’t you want to know what the collection is called?
Surprise me.
Victoria Beckham.
Inspired.
Everyone’s saying it’s good.
Before or after they see the price?
So, you did know about VB’s new perfumes?
Only that they cost €285 for 100ml.
The 50ml bottles are €195.
But for €16.69 I can smell like her husband.
Pardon?
Intimately Beckham (2006) – just over €15 for 75ml on Amazon.
A different market and also a smaller bottle.
A little eau-de-Dave goes a long way.
David Beckham is very much the man of the moment.
You’ve watched the Netflix doc?
Of course. Hasn’t everyone?
Personally, I find it possible to watch a documentary without wanting to smell like its subject. What about Donald Trump?
What about him?
I’ve watched several docs on the former pres without feeling moved to spritz myself in ‘Empire by Trump’.
You’d find it hard – the 2015 fragrance is out of stock on Amazon. Probably best.
PORTOFINO ’97 EVOKES HER EARLY ROMANCE WITH DAVID You didn’t like the blend of iced redcurrant, juniper, coriander and frozen ginger? It was supposed to ‘capture the spirit of the driven man’…
…if that man had been driven to douse himself in carpet cleaner.
Things have changed. The global fragrance market is predicted to grow to $43.2 billion by 2028. This is celeb scent 2.0.
So, Victoria Beckham has rebooted an industry?
No, Rihanna’s Fenty Eau de Parfum arguably did that back in 2021.
And how much is that?
€135… for 75ml.
So, you’re claiming a whiff of VB is quite good value?
It’s not called ‘a whiff of VB’. The collection is Victoria Beckham, but the scents have individual names.
Which are?
Reflective of important parts of her life.
Is there one for the wedding? I’ll take a bottle of ‘flammable throne cover’.
That’s not an option.
Go on, then, what are they called?
Portofino ’97 evokes the early days of her romance with David through ‘a euphoric hit of Calabrian bergamot and black pepper… lingering on the skin of a significant other’.
Or you could peep inside Suite 302: ‘an erotic melange of black cherry and red peppercorn… clouded in rose centifolia, midnight violet and narcotic musk.’
Also, pretty raunchy.
You clearly haven’t seen the ad campaign. VB smouldering in a lace bra, veil and red lipstick. Anything else?
Her arms have become a talking point in their own right!
Why?
Because she has incredible shoulders.
So has Tyson Fury, but I don’t want to smell like him either. Is the third scent similarly carnal?
No, San Ysidro Drive is a much less racy proposition.
What’s that one supposed to smell of?
Mindfulness.
Can I make a point about that first fragrance?
Portofino ’97?
That’s it. According to Times writer Susannah Butter, the actual location of Victoria and David’s first date was an Essex car park.
Challenging, from an olfactory perspective.
You’re not feeling an erotic melange of Premium Unleaded and Castrol GTX?
Not so much.
Shame. If Victoria does ever want to create a fragrance in homage to the road networks of her birth county, though, I’ve got a name.
Go on…
Chelmsford Bypass.