NICORETTE GUM & NIGHTLY SNORING
Name Rachel Johnson
Married to Ivo Dawnay
The problem There are three of us in my marriage: my husband, me – and his first love, Nicorette.
Each box contains 210 pieces and costs €45, and he never doesn’t have a packet of it on his person and one piece in his mouth. He claims that his chomping of this pricey nicotine-infused putty has saved him from a certain death from the lung cancer that sadly claimed his father in his 60s. He claims that it has stopped him from smoking 40 cigarettes a day for decades.
Both of these things may be true but it doesn’t stop me loathing the habit with a barely controlled fury and finding the daytime constant clacking even more annoying than the nightly snoring.
And I’m afraid the noise pollution is only the start of it. There’s also the smell. The sight of the ever-working jaws. The fact that he never doesn’t have a damp pad of gum in his mouth somewhere. The fact that I find the hard white chewed pellets everywhere, and I mean everywhere. The bed. My washbag. On every surface.
I have tried introducing a unique concept – disposing of the gum in a waste receptacle. I even bought half a dozen little bins and dotted them around – but he still flicks them out of car windows and leaves them by the side of the bath.
I’ve also tried recommending alternatives. ‘I’ve heard the patch/spray works very well,’ I say hopefully, ‘and there are lozenges that you can suck.’ No good. I have considered writing an Alan Carr-type book about how to give up the gum that makes you give up smoking, as I know more people addicted to Nicorette than who smoke. But the truth is, I don’t know the secret. All I do know is that he will always choose Nicorette over me.
‘I FIND HIS HARD WHITE CHEWED GUM PELLETS EVERYWHERE – THE BED, MY WASHBAG AND EVERY SURFACE’