DISCARDED TEA BAGS & BLATANT DECEIT
Name Stuart Heritage
Married to Robyn Wilder
The problem Early on in our relationship, I decided to go and cook for my wife. However, once I found myself in her kitchen, I saw something truly horrifying. There, balanced on the end of the sink, was an old teaspoon that had a manky old used tea bag on it. ‘That’s pretty gross,’ I said as I checked back in with her a few moments later. ‘It is, isn’t it?’ agreed my wife. ‘My housemate does it. I can’t stand it either.’
Things moved on. We fell in love. We moved in together. And a few days after that, I went to the kitchen to get a drink.
And, you guessed it, I saw an old teaspoon balanced on the end of the sink, with a manky old used tea bag on it.
Like the detective figuring out Keyser
Söze’s true identity at the end of The Usual Suspects, the horrible truth came to me in a flash. It wasn’t her housemate. It never had been her housemate. It was her all along.
She was the one who fished the tea bags out of her mugs but couldn’t throw them away.
She not only did this – she lied to me about doing it. The deceit! We had a fight about it. It’s the same fight that we’ve been having for almost a decade now, because she won’t stop bloody doing it.
I cannot possibly rationalise the impetus for her persisting. Is she saving the tea bags for something? Is she too lazy to reach six inches to the right and throw it away properly? Does she hope they’ll somehow biodegrade on the spoon? Is she doing it to drive me crazy?
Because, if she is, it’s working. I look 20 years older than I actually am, and it’s entirely down to the stress of the tea bag thing.
‘IS MY WIFE JUST TOO LAZY TO REACH SIX INCHES TO THE RIGHT AND THROW HER MANKY OLD USED TEA BAG AWAY?’