CAROLINE WEST-MEADS HOW DO WE PERSUADE HIM NOT TO QUIT UNIVERSITY?

QOur autistic son, while very bright, often struggled emotionally at school. He did eventually make a couple of friends in sixth year, but remains socially anxious. In spite of all this, he made it into a top university and has just finished his first term. Academically, he excels but the past couple of months have been tough for all of us. He has often been on the phone in an agitated state saying that he hates all the partying, the constant noise of student halls and the drunkenness. He says that two of his lecturers can’t teach and get cross when he asks lots of questions. We have made frequent trips to see him and worry about his mental health as he seems depressed. Since he returned home, he has been more withdrawn than usual. Yesterday he told us he can’t face going back to university. We are actually quite relieved as it’s been a worrying time. However, he doesn’t look well. He’s pale and I think he has spent a lot of his free time playing computer games. But what do we do now? He has so much academic potential and he needs structure. He has no idea what to do next and we are worried that he will just carry on gaming full-time, which will worsen his depression.

AA lot of people hate their first term at university but this is more than that. So it’s probably the right decision for him to leave – for now. University can be a big shock, even for those without the challenges of neurodiversity. But add those difficulties – such as sensitivity to noise or feeling overwhelmed by large groups – and it is even harder. Then there are the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, finances and laundry. However, it sounds as if your son is very capable academically and if he dropped out of university completely, he might feel like a failure. So, first, can you help him talk to the university about how difficult he is finding everything and the possibility of taking some time off to regroup? Is there extra support they can give him or new accommodation for next year? Or would he consider transferring to a local university to enable him to spend some nights each week at home, or to commute, so that he can make the transition more gradually? In the intervening few months, with a longer-term goal to aim for, a part-time job and/or some volunteering (perhaps tutoring secondary pupils) might help raise his self-esteem.

He hates all the partying and the constant noise of student halls

Talk to the university about taking some time off to regroup

Encourage him to play sports to get him out of the house. It is important he sees his GP for help with his depression and possible gaming addiction. Get advice from the Irish Society for Autism (autism.ie) and the Union for Students in Ireland (usi.ie). You all might also benefit from Autism Supports (autismsupports.ie), which aims to make autism less of a struggle.