I MISS SEX WITH MY EX HUSBAND

QI’ve been divorced for eight years after my husband left me for someone else. We met when we were young, were together for 25 years and had two children. I am now in a long-term relationship with a wonderful man I love deeply, but there is one thing missing: exciting sex. I was a virgin when I married, and my ex claimed to be too, so I thought that sex was always the passionate experience that he and I shared. But in the couple of relationships I’ve had since, and now with the new man, it seems a little, well, less. My girlfriends say my ex must have got his ‘skills’ from sleeping around. I get angry thinking about it and feel that my marriage was a sham. I don’t know whether to confront him.

AYour ex has already hurt you so much and it must be very painful to look back and wonder if you were being deceived throughout your marriage. It is possible that the sex became good over your time together as you grew used to each other’s bodies and desires. However, given that he left you for someone else, it is sadly also possible that he had affairs. If you have an amicable relationship with him (perhaps for your children’s sake), then he owes you the truth. You could ask, but be careful how you approach it. Don’t mention his sexual prowess; you would only be flattering his ego. Were there other signs – suspicious times away, phone calls, periods of emotional distance? Perhaps it will help you to see that you really are better off without him and to concentrate instead on your new relationship, which makes you happier than your ex did in other aspects. Good sex can be taught, so brush up your teaching skills.