Naked dressing
I see The Crown has re-created that see-through dress.
You mean Kate Middleton’s student fashion-show outfit?
The one that Harper’s Bazaar described as ‘very daring’, and that prompted Prince William to utter the immortal review ‘Wow!’?
The very same.
That’s not naked dressing.
But you can see her knickers and everything!
Define ‘everything’.
Bra.
Big deal. Literally everyone’s got their bra out this winter.
I haven’t.
I don’t mean you.
But you just said literally everyone’s got their bra out.
I mean famous people. Velvet-rope botherers.
Oh, right, like model Jourdan Dunn in that strapless bra-andskirt combo at the British Fashion Awards [above right]?
Pah! That was virtually a habit, #styledbyanun.
How naked should naked be?
One visible nipple, for entry level.
Followed by…
Two, obviously. But even that’s cautious by current standards.
So you mean bottoms?
Hard to move for celeb buttocks on the red carpet. Boring. Next!
In that case you must mean…
Precisely.
But you can’t show that on the red carpet!
You can nod to it.
Wouldn’t that look weird?
Not with a modesty guard.
A what?
As modelled by actress Julia Fox, who kicked off New York Fashion Week in a trench coat and some strategic metalwork [above left].
How did the fashion press describe that particular look?
One website went for ‘two metal nipple pasties held in place by a series of chains forming a bra silhouette’.
And for the southerly portion of the outfit?
‘Further chains’.
Surely that was an extreme manifestation of the trend.
Barely. American singer Tinashe attended this year’s MTV VMA awards in a sparkling see-through gown and a few strips of tape.
Maybe it’s just a US thing?
Nope. Rita Ora also went for transparent mesh at Vogue’s recent ‘Forces for Change’ party (below).
Was she forced to change?
She wasn’t, thanks to the careful positioning of some 3D flowers.
This thing must be very tough on those celebrities who feel the cold.
For those people there’s always Kim Kardashian’s new nipple bra.
But aren’t all bras for nipples?
These have nipples on the outside.
Why?
The ‘built-in faux nipple’, explains Kim, is ‘for shock factor’.
So, you can see them through clothing?
In order to establish that, a Vogue reporter conducted a test.
And?
She opted for ‘Miu Miu’s autumn/winter 2023 charcoal knit twinset as a nod to the “sweater girl” look of 1940s and 50s Hollywood’.
Could you see the bra?
No.
Little point, then. Points.
Is there anything else a chilly starlet could try?
Sadly, Jean Paul Gaultier’s dress featuring a highly realistic screen print of a nude body (as modelled by Paris Jackson earlier in the year) didn’t catch on.
How do you know?
Because last time I looked, it had been reduced to 30 quid (from €595) on the Selfridges website.
Maybe naked dressing isn’t a translatable high-street trend. I’ve tried typing it into the M&S website.
What did you get?
Vanilla cake.
M&S wouldn’t be my first port of call for this vibe.
Although I did find a sheer foil print shirt for €45.
What can you see through that?
The model’s vest.
Why are you even looking?
I might try naked dressing for the office Christmas party.
Whoa! Is that wise?
I’m hoping to impress Alan from accounts.
But…
He’s hinted that he approves of the look.
OK, we need to have a chat about what Alan means by ‘free assets’.