I’M STRESSED ABOUT OUR NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY

QA group of our local friends usually hold a small New Year’s Eve party, a tradition we’ve continued for over two decades. This year, it’s our turn to host. However, I am exhausted. My father died ten months ago and I go to visit my mother – now in a care home with dementia – every day after work. In previous times, our parties have gone on until about 3am but this would be too much for me. I want to politely ask them to leave not long after midnight but my husband says that would be a shame as it’s only once a year and I should enjoy myself more. I know it’s only a few extra hours but I’m feeling stressed about it, which is not like me.

AThis may seem as if you are worrying about a small thing – one late night – but the real issue is that you’re feeling overwhelmed. You are still grieving the loss of your father and you’re in a state of ongoing grief for your mother, because watching someone decline with dementia is soul-destroying. Moreover, you are working full-time. So the stress is not really about the party but a need for a better balance. I know you would probably feel guilty if you didn’t visit your mother every day, but it’s too much for you and you will burn out. So please contact alzheimer.ie to talk through the emotions involved in reducing your visits. Regarding the party, play it by ear. If you are still enjoying yourself, you could stay up a bit later. It might indeed be good for you. But if you are feeling too anxious, I’m sure your friends would understand if you told them that you need to go to bed. Limit your alcohol. A late night is one thing, but a hangover is not what you need.