HOW SHOULD I HANDLE HER FROSTY MANNER?

QI am married to a man who was widowed three years ago. We have been together for six months. He clearly adored his late wife and I don’t have a problem with that. I’m not the jealous type and accept that he can love me even if he still loves her. His adult children, who have big hearts like their father, have been accepting too and we get on well. However, the problem is a couple who are some of my husband’s closest friends. The woman had been his wife’s best friend – they’d known each other since school. She is very polite to me but I get the feeling that she doesn’t like me and I find it awkward being in her company. Should I just opt out and ask him to see them on his own or keep trying?

AIt is not perhaps that your husband’s friend doesn’t like you, but more the case that she is still grieving. She will be desperately missing her best friend and, unlike your partner, does not have the excitement and joy of a new relationship to offset the heartache. You sound wonderful and caring so I am sure that this will work out with a little more time. It’s early days. I expect that you and she might have avoided the topic of her friend. So the next time you are alone together, gently tell her that you appreciate how nice she has been to you (a slight white lie) but acknowledge that it must be hard because of her loss. Invite her to open up about her friend and say that you don’t mind hearing how lovely she was. Hopefully, she will welcome the opportunity to talk – and she would have to have a heart of stone not to be disarmed by such generosity on your part.