The Bear’s missing bellybutton
Great news about last month’s Golden Globes triumph for his TV show The Bear.
I get the impression that Jezza’s co-stars may be tiring of his golden globes.
Sorry?
During interviews at the ceremony (where 32-year-old White, who plays Carmy (AKA the Bear), and co-star Ayo Edebiri, 28, who plays Sydney, won awards), journalists mostly wanted to discuss the contents of his Calvins.
Ah, you mean that underwear shoot.
Of course. Who cares about
The Bear when there are shots of Jeremy in his pants to dissect?
You’re saying his fans are less interested in his art than his… Exactly.
You can see why endless speculation about what he’s hiding under those chef’s whites might be annoying for the other actors.
Fellow cast member Ebon Moss-Bachrach did try to change the focus a bit, observing: ‘We’re not at, like, an underwear awards, you know what I mean?’
Did anyone else speak up?
Yes, although Edebiri seemed to feel White needed protecting when an interviewer turned up with a poster from the campaign. She turned it to face the wall, saying: ‘I’m putting it away from my boy!’
How sweet and protective.
I know. Poor little Jeremy. Forced into a lucrative modelling contract for Calvin Klein. Awful for him.
Did the man himself have anything to say about it?
Only that he felt ‘very far away’ from all the excitement over the ad campaign.
What does that mean?
‘I know you can’t move for photos of my nethers but I’m thinking about loftier things.’
I’m getting the impression you’re not entirely convinced by Jeremy
Allen White.
No. And I’m not the only one.
What’s the issue?
One X/Twitter user summed up the opinion of his detractors, saying: ‘Something’s wrong with men who divorce their wives… right after they get famous.’
What happened?
He was married to Addison Timlin (also an actress, who he met when they were just 17), with whom he has two children. She filed for divorce last May and a month later he was spotted kissing model Ashley Moore.
That’s as may be, but the fans don’t love him for his morals.
Yes, I’m aware that January 2024 has turned out to be the month of Jezzamania. All very good news for Calvin Klein.
Although haven’t they just had their campaign with singer FKA twigs banned by the UK Advertising Authority for objectifying women?
Yes, hard to see how it differs from Jeremy’s shoot.
Apparently, said the regulator, the images put the focus mainly on the model’s body and not the clothing being advertised.
Is the regulator under the impression that while watching Jezza scrambling across the New York skyline in his pants, the viewers are mostly thinking: ‘That fabric has incredible shape retention’?
They possibly haven’t been keeping up to date with the responses to the ad on X. ‘I’m straight and I’ve never wanted to yell, “Yes chef!” more in my life’ rhapsodised one male user.
Although the most popular comment on the Instagram post showcasing the campaign reads: ‘Am I the only one very confused that he hasn’t got a bellybutton?’
Everybody has a bellybutton.
Jeremy Allen White hasn’t – and the internet is demanding to know why.
What are the leading theories?
Some blame overenthusiastic photo retouching. Some that it’s obscured by body hair. Some say it’s a trick of the light. The truth is that, like the fates of Shergar and Lord Lucan, we may never know what really became of the missing bellybutton.
WHO CARES ABOUT HIS TV SHOW WHEN THERE ARE SHOTS OF HIM IN HIS PANTS
Quite a mystery, which I’m sure the fans will be grappling with for months to come.
Indeed. Maybe that, in fact, will be Jeremy’s great legacy.
What will?
The man who finally legitimised navel gazing.