Why ballet flats still

Unflattering, unhygienic, sole-destroying and tricky to style…. Just a few of the

Ballet flats are back. Four words I hoped I would never hear. The last time this shoe style was big (figuratively, you understand, although we’ll return to the horror of the Frankenpump later) Kate Moss was swanning around London in a skinny scarf and drainpipe jeans. The accompanying flats said, ‘I’m too bohemian for proper shoes. I could kick these off in a second.’ We all thought we looked like Kate. We did not look like Kate. And the intervening decades have not brought us any closer to that goal. Yet still we are buying ballet flats.

So what fashion voodoo has persuaded us that calf-widening, arch-destroying, hygiene-swerving, toe-clenching shoes are a great addition to our 2024 wardrobes?

‘Because they’re easy’, I hear you say. But they aren’t. If by ‘easy’ you mean ‘time saving’ and your schedule really is too packed for shoelaces, then you need to examine your life choices.

If you mean sartorially easy, then I beg to differ. Because it’s a delicate shoe, the ballet flat is swamped (and thus rendered redundant) by all but the most delicate and ankle-revealing clothing. So, if you have Kate Moss’s figure then by all means go ahead and wear them with a denim mini, a tulle skirt or a drainpipe jean. For the other

99.99 per cent of the female population, ballet flats are almost impossible to style.

Then there’s the hygiene issue. Ballet flats are a bare-leg thing – unless you’re actively trying to look like a seven-year-old dressed up in white tights for a trip to see Frozen. And that means they stink. Let’s not even go there with shoe liners. They’re never wholly covered by the shoes, and nothing kills a bohemian vibe like an inch of exposed American Tan polyester.

Of course, no rant about the tyranny of the ballet pump would be complete without mention of their ruinous effect upon the feet. Podiatrist Maggie Trevillion, an expert in biomechanics, foot function and gait analysis, gives a list of conditions caused/ exacerbated by this style. Fill your boots with a choice of ‘plantar fasciitis, achilles tendinopathy, Morton’s neuroma, lower back pain, bunions and hammer toes’.

And Trevillion isn’t finished there. When you walk, she explains, you need a 1cm gap at the front of your shoe ‘for full toe extension when toeing off’ (isn’t that a great expression? I’ve made a mental note to do more of it). ‘When you wear a ballet flat, this isn’t possible as the shoe would fall off your foot.’

At this point I am prepared for objections from devotees offering other ways to attach ballet flat to foot. I see you and I am ready for you. Let’s begin with the elasticated ballet flat. The reason for putting elastic around an item of footwear is