Bonding is like falling in love with a partner, it’s a slow build-up

‘Society tells mothers they should feel a certain way after giving birth, and the fact I didn’t made me feel like such a failure.

‘I remember crying in bed one night after reading something on the internet about bonding and thinking: “Why don’t I feel like this?” ’

Around ten months after Ethan’s birth, Tracey began to feel the enduring love for him she feels today.

‘Ethan and I couldn’t be closer now. Even if he’s gone away for a day with my parents, I miss him like mad and love him to bits.

‘But mothers need to be more honest with each other about how sometimes you don’t fall in love with your baby straight away.’

Dr Ellie Cannon, author of Keep Calm — The New Mum’s Manual: Trust Yourself And Enjoy Your Baby, says that mums shouldn’t panic if they don’t feel a bond immediately.

‘We need to move away from the idea that bonding just happens instantly when a woman has a baby,’ she says.

‘Social media — whether it’s an Instagram picture of Miranda Kerr breastfeeding her baby or friends posting their pictures on Facebook — is only perpetuating a filtered myth of what motherhood should look like. It’s not the reality.

‘The idea of bonding is quite new in psychological terms, and there isn’t great evidence that there’s any negative impact on the relationship if a mother doesn’t bond with her baby the moment the infant leaves the womb.

‘Bonding is like falling in love with a partner, it’s a slow build-up. But if a new mother has hormones rushing through her, as well as the physical changes after pregnancy and perhaps the baby blues, they are all are going to contribute to her worry and guilt.’

Happily, today my daughters and I couldn’t be closer. Over the 17 days that we spent in the special care baby unit, I had many hours to get used to them.

The nurses would lift their tiny bodies out of the incubator and tuck them down my vest top so I could experience that precious ‘skin-to-skin’ care.

I learned how to breastfeed and slowly, the love I felt for them began to seep into every fibre.

I remember visiting the unit around four days later and Martha seemed unwell and weak. The love I had for her at that moment — the desire to protect her and keep her safe — made me realise I did have feelings for my girls after all.

Now I couldn’t love my gorgeous little girls more and we’ve more than made up for those first few hours and days in masses of kisses and cuddles.

It didn’t happen instantly. But now I know that’s OK. We just needed a little extra time.