O’Neill wants last laugh
MARTIN O’Neill’s final utterance in Copenhagen was to acknowledge journalist Oliver Holt of The Mail on Sunday, which he did with a cheery ‘Hi, Ollie’ before exiting stage left.
Yesterday, the Republic of Ireland manager instantly recognised former England international Stan Collymore in the front row for his pre-match press conference at FAI headquarters in Abbotstown.
By a curious coincidence, Collymore’s biography, ‘Stan: Tackling My Demons’ was co-written by Ollie Holt.
That Stan n’ Ollie corroboration was serious stuff, unlike the original comedy double act whose job was to make cinema audiences giggle, which they did so superbly.
O’Neill could have been auditioning for his own stand-up show, as he rattled off more one-liners in half an hour than Dave Allen At Large, never mind Dave Meyler At Large sitting beside him.
Whether the blazered presence of UEFA media observers had anything to do with his chipper mood is uncertain, but this was vintage O’Neill — you’d never have known this was the eve of his biggest match as Ireland manager.
As the questions were passed around, O’Neill was clearly waiting for Collymore, sitting prominently in the front row of the interview room, to catch his attention.
The salutation, when it came, was predictable. ‘Hello gaffer.’
‘Hello Stan,’ replied O’Neill. ‘Who are you working for?’ ‘RT,’ said Collymore. ‘Who?’ asked the Derry native. ‘RT, Russian Television,’ explained Collymore.
‘Really,’ said his former boss, raising his eyebrows.
The former Liverpool player mentioned a Russian phrase and said he could ‘teach’ O’Neill some of the language if he wanted.
Quick as a flash, O’Neill retorted, ‘You taught me a lot Stan, some things of which were unprintable.’
There was more banter as he reminisced about a Collymore hattrick for Leicester against Sunderland, which prompted him to muse, ‘I should have brought you with me to Celtic.’
Collymore, now in the swing of the repartee, said: ‘Maybe in the next lifetime.’
Without pausing, O’Neill replied, ‘Next lifetime? ‘Hmm. I’ll see it long before you do,’ he quipped.
For those of us who attended O’Neill’s unveiling as manager, it brought us back to the Gibson Hotel four years ago where he invited journalists to join him for tea and toast and held us with his charm.
However, we’re nowhere nearer to knowing the man any better after 45 internationals than we were back then. For all his public appearances, his one-liners, he is a man of many layers and some distance.
When it suits, he gives away less than a finance minister on budget day. Asked by Sky’s Patrick Davison yesterday how he gets intoplayers’ heads on match-day and to elaborate on his motivational techniques, he turned slowly towards a rather bemused Meyler and then back towards his interrogator.
His answer was delivered with a comic’s timing as his audience held their breath. ‘Woah, gosh. I think I will leave that for today.’
Only he knew this was one press conference that was going to run the full distance.
A little later, he was asked if he’d seen the video clip from Copenhagen of the woman emerging from Victoria’s Secret lingerie store on match day. Greeted by Ireland fans, she reached into her bag and brandished aloft some natty underwear.
‘Actually, I gave that video,’ said O’Neill, prompting much mirth from the mostly male Irish and Danish press corps.
One of the Danish visitors asked if he could explain the fighting spirit which flows through the veins of Irish footballers.
‘I would hope that it is something that is innate in the country,’ he said, looking around the room.
The response was silent, yet O’Neill wasn’t deterred.
‘But some of the people facing me would suggest that is not the case — by the way, that was a joke, a poor joke. I didn’t see anyone laughing, not even Meyler.’
Poor Meyler was the straight guy to the jester O’Neill.
His surname was mentioned five times by the manager, his forename not even once. To some, that might seem a little discourteous, but not to the manager who went as far to say ‘I like Meyler.’
When the cameras were turned off for the non-live section of the briefing, O’Neill’s sunny disposition quickly fell into shadow.
His answers were delivered with a bank manager’s demeanour and lacked the earlier wit and warmth, which was a shame.
It was as if he’d made his point to those he felt were most important, to Sky and Co and, of course, to Stan.