Kids were given everything they wanted and told they were gifted
IT’S that time of year again. The Tominator’s list began in earnest this week. In the past, our youngest child’s Christmas requests have been doable.
The usual almost-sold-out toy he has seen on the Late Late Toy Show will induce heart-attack levels of panic and an urgent drop-everything trip to Smyths. Then there’s the gargantuan stocking containing pound shop craft goodies which we hope will stall his passion for technology.
‘I’d like a 3D printer for Christmas,’ he informed his astonished father on the way out to school.
‘I don’t think Santa will stretch to that, Tommo.’
Niall had already shown him the email from Santa informing him that things are tight. The old duffer sends one to us every year.
‘Not from Santa. I mean from you.’ He’s quick on his feet. ‘It’s too expensive,’ Niall said. ‘How expensive?’ ‘The same price as a new car.’ ‘But we don’t need a new car. But we do need a 3D printer.’
Niall pulled up his coat zip. ‘If we had a 3D printer I could make my own toys. Do you even know what that means? You would never have to buy me any more toys. Ever. It would be an-vest….vesting….’ ‘An investment?’ ‘Yes. That. So — can I have one?’ ‘No.’ ‘Please.’ ‘No.’ ‘Why not…’ And on and on out the door. Tom kept it up all the way into school. ‘That is unbelievable,’ I said. ‘Hilarious!’ I said when Niall stood at my office door. How ridiculous, we both agreed.
As soon as Niall left my office I googled 3D printers.
There is some instinct deep inside me that wants to give Tom what he wants. I used to think that was because I was a bad parent and afraid of his meltdowns, but actually, I am not. I can tune out a screaming fit with alarming efficiency. I remember when he was very young, Tom having a meltdown on me. I walked away and carried on with my chores. When I came back he had worn himself out to such an extent that he was asleep on the tiled kitchen floor! Tom’s Asperger’s makes him frustrated when things don’t go his way. Sometimes he clings to the car door and refuses to budge. It’s important not to give in.
Getting Tom do things he doesn’t want to do when he doesn’t want to do them takes a huge effort. He many never learn the lessons we are trying to teach him. That is the reality of autism. Nonetheless, we have to try. But ‘things’ are different. We do buy him a lot of the things he wants. As much as we can afford. Partly as part of his ‘rewards’ system, a necessary behavioural training, but also to make him happy. I love to see him happy. A M I spoiling him? My mother always told me you can never give enough love to a child and I believe that. It’s not possible to make a child feel too cherished.
But now, we have a generation of young people, reared on endless supplies of encouragement and love. Kids who were given everything they wanted and told by doting parents that they were gifted and that they should ‘dream big’. This ‘Snowflake’ generation have been so cosseted that they are unable to cope with the real world. We have created a generation of precious, politically correct thinkers who cannot cope with the basic premise of opposing viewpoints.
Tom thinks so differently to everyone else. His unique take on life makes me consider even his most unreasonable requests. Ordinary people can’t really buy 3D printers for domestic use. They do not sell them in Argos at any price. But then. Tommo is not ordinary child. And, by force of his will, he is making us into no ordinary parents. I kept searching and discovered that you can buy a 3D printer from Britain for less than €1,000 on Amazon. Do we have that money for a 3D printer? No. But do I blame Tom for trying? No. And will I blame myself for wanting to indulge every crazy dream he has? Building his own toys might be the next step to an interest in engineering. Or it could be another way to acquire discarded plastic toys. Either way, you have to try.