I WAS SO NICE TO THEM... BUT THEY NEVER KNEW THE REAL ME
ALAN Hawe claimed he ‘had no other choice’ but to kill his wife Clodagh and their three sons because of the ‘rejection’ they would face if he killed himself alone.
In a note apparently written by Hawe after he killed his family, the schoolteacher apologised for his actions but said he couldn’t leave his boys as orphans.
The notes written by Hawe were not read out at the inquest that were held in the courthouse in Cavan on Monday and Tuesday. However, some of their contents have been reported in the press.
Two of the letters written by Hawe were found in the family home in the aftermath of the killings. One of them was bloodstained and made reference to what he had done.
In one of his letters, he wrote: ‘I’m sorry for how I murdered them all but I had no other way. I had to do this, I can’t leave the boys orphans. I couldn’t just up and leave them. Please believe me that on this day Clodagh and the boys were happy.’
He also wrote: ‘I have wanted to kill myself for a long time now and I just could not bear the thought of leaving my mess and the anger and rejection that Clodagh and the boys would have to live with forever.
‘I didn’t want them to be thought [less of] by people just because of the way their father was.’
Hawe also appeared to write about his mental health issues, saying: ‘All the good stuff we did I was really into, but I think there was some psychosis in me that I really enjoyed it and the next moment I was the complete opposite. Although to many, I was so nice to them, but they never knew the real me.’ He ends his note by saying: ‘God bless you all, don’t give up on life because of me.
‘Be good to your families. I am sorry for all of this.
‘Please cremate me and dump me in the sea.
‘Do not bury me with the family or as a Catholic.’
On Tuesday, after the inquest, Clodagh’s family rejected claims that her husband was suffering from a mental illness at the time of the murders.
In a statement, the family pointed to the ‘premeditated’ and ‘calculated’ way in which he carried out the killings.
The family said his imminent fall from his position as ‘a pillar of the community’ and the breakdown of his marriage led him to kill his family.