MY daughter was a DREAM come true
As the country prepares to celebrate our mammies, the amazing story of how this mother manages to do it all – despite suffering from a crippling disease
I always knew there would be other people to support us I just kept touching her to make sure she was really there
WATCHING her little girl trot along on her beloved pony, Carol Brady can’t help but be filled with a surge of love. Abigail is nine years old, a big-hearted, kind child who loves animals. And for Carol, as she prepares to celebrate Mother’s Day, Abigail was her dream baby — because at one point she was worried she might never have a child of her own.
The 40-year-old civil servant from Nenagh, Co Tipperary, always hoped she would be a mum but after suffering from cystic fibrosis all her life, Carol worried her dreams might not come true.
‘I was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis at the age of three months and there was no one else in the family who had the condition,’ Carol says. ‘I’m the oldest of five girls. My childhood was good in that I wasn’t in and out of hospital a lot — the first time I had to get intravenous antibiotics I was 19. The biggest issue for me would have been my stomach growing up, it wasn’t really my chest.
‘I wasn’t treated any differently than the other girls in the house. When I was sick I was looked after, of course, but other than that I was encouraged by my parents to get up and get on with it. I wasn’t wrapped up in cotton wool. My parents didn’t have the time for that, there were other children to be looked after and there was only a year or two between each child so it was a very busy household.’
Even though Carol was living a normal life, she did worry that her condition would prevent her from having a family of her own — especially after an encounter one Christmas with an old school friend changed everything.
‘I have known my partner Nigel since I was 12 years old,’ Carol says. ‘We actually went to school together. We had been friends but I hadn’t seen him in a long time as he had been away travelling and I was away working for a while too.
‘But one Christmas we bumped into each other on a night out, got chatting and that was it really. The relationship took off from there.’
Very quickly, Carol and Nigel knew they had the real thing and decided to let nature take its course when it came to conceiving.
‘I was never sure if I would be able to have a baby because of my cystic fibrosis,’ Carol explains. ‘I was always aware that people with CF find it hard to conceive and that was always at the back of my mind.
‘We kind of left it that, if something happened, well and good. Then if nothing had happened after a few years we would take it further. But we were very lucky.’
Before Carol fell pregnant, Nigel did a test to see if he was also a carrier of the cystic fibrosis gene but he thankfully didn’t have it.
With only half of people in Ireland who suffer from CF living beyond the age of 38, carrying a baby was another worry for Carol. But making their family complete was important to both her and Nigel.
‘You do worry, of course,’ she says. ‘That’s always at the back of your mind. But I was really well when I got pregnant with Abigail and I knew Nigel was going to be a great father. I knew he would always be there and we have great support from my family, from his family, from friends.
‘I always knew when the chips were down there would be other people to help along the way.
‘As far as the risk of Abigail having cystic fibrosis, I really just felt there were things that were a lot worse that she could have had.
‘I live a very good life — it’s not all doom and gloom.’
Carol loved being pregnant but that in itself caused complications for her condition.
‘It was a huge journey because I loved being pregnant with her. I got really sick though when I was 14 weeks pregnant and I ended up getting C Difficile. I lost an awful lot of weight and I was extremely sick.’
At one point there were fears that Carol might lose the baby she had longed for.
‘Doctors weren’t sure that I was going to hold on to the baby I wanted so much,’ she explains. ‘When I was pregnant, the goal was to get to 28 weeks and get past it. Carrying Abigail then was the doctors’ focus to get me there without my health going down.
‘Carrying a baby is exhausting for a person who doesn’t have cystic fibrosis so for someone with the illness a baby takes everything from you. You have to be able to give it as well as take it.
‘The baby pushes up on your lungs and you are carrying extra weight so it can be very difficult for a cystic fibrosis sufferer. They wanted to get me to the end of my pregnancy so that I was as well as possible without doing untold or irreversible damage to myself or to the baby.’
Carol willed her baby to stay with her, praying for her to be okay. But throughout the pregnancy there were still some sleepless nights.
‘I had scans every four weeks,’ Carol explains. ‘In the run-up to the scans I wouldn’t sleep because I just wanted to know that everything was going okay, that the baby was growing. It was a relay of appointments, it was constant.
‘Sometimes I wished I had a little magic crystal ball so that we could see ourselves now and see that everything would be okay.’
But on the day Abigail arrived into the world, Carol and Nigel couldn’t have been happier.
‘It’s hard to describe because it was so emotional,’ Carol says. ‘I had managed to do it. When she was born, we were so happy and overjoyed that this little person had finally arrived. She was so beautiful, I just kept touching her fingers, her toes, her face to make sure she was really there. And she was.’
Now Abigail is thriving, a kindhearted and caring child who is the apple of her mother’s eye.
‘Abigail is a determined little lady,’ Carol says. ‘She loves her books and she is mad into her animals, she loves her ducks and her dogs and her geese, she has a pony as well. She loves being outside with all her animals. Horse riding is her passion and she wants to be a vet as long as she can ride horses as well.’
Carol is still living with cystic fibrosis but never regrets for one moment having her beloved child.
‘I can’t say that having cystic fibrosis doesn’t have an effect, of course it does,’ she says. ‘I do sometimes feel guilty when I am sick. You are feeling miserable and you’ve all these extra treatments added into your routine, like the IV antibiotics, because most of the time I would do those from home. So you are up really early to get them done and then I still have to get Abigail to school.’
Carol is a fighter who has always lived an independent life and tries her best to make sure life goes on as normal for Abigail, in spite of her illness.
‘It can be hard when I am ill as I feel bad because I’m Abigail’s mum and I feel it is my job to look after her,’ she says. ‘I only went back to work after taking a career break in Sep-
tember and I got sick and I ended up on IV antibiotics. So I went into work with a line in my chest as I didn’t want to be off so soon after just coming back.
‘My boss is amazing and she wanted me to do what was best for me but me being headstrong and stubborn I wanted to fight it and get through it and do whatever needed to be done.
‘I went out to my car at lunchtime and did my intravenous antibiotics during my lunch break. I know it sounds a bit crazy but you have to be stubborn when you have CF to get yourself through those hard times.’
Carol’s persistence is important as she says she knows that things can only get better — and they will.
‘When those hard times come, you know that you will get there, to the other side,’ she explains. ‘Okay, there might be a few weeks when you’re ill but you will dust yourself off and things will be okay again.
‘There are times when it’s very tough. I have Abigail there and I feel guilty because I don’t even have the energy to look after her — I have to get other family members to mind her and Nigel might have to come home early from work or leave later to get to work. I might have to take extra time off. I worry that I am letting her down. Deep down I know she is okay but I do feel guilty sometimes.’
Carol is also type one diabetic but instead of hiding her conditions from her child, she has been open and honest about them so that Abigail knows her daily medication and treatment is just part of life. Abigail even knows what to do should her mum slip into a diabetic coma.
‘Abigail thinks this is great,’ Carol says. ‘I get her involved, she helps me do my IVs, she has her own box of surgical gloves. I let her help me flush out my IVs and she also knows what to do if my blood sugar was to fall too low. I will let her be involved and make this an everyday thing. I think it is really important as I am taking the fear away from her. It is when you hide things from children that they start worrying — if they are involved from the start then there’s nothing to be afraid of. That works for us — Abigail is used to this and she doesn’t know any different.’
This year is a big one for the little family — Carol has just turned 40 and there’s a family party to go to tonight before getting back to planning her wedding to Nigel.
‘Nigel proposed at Christmas four years ago, six years after we started going out. He’s my rock, he’s a fantastic person and a great father to Abigail and a great husband to me.
‘We are getting married in Bally common, close to where both of us grew up. We’re busy getting everything ready now and Abigail is very excited, as are her parents.’
As Carol walks up the aisle to meet Nigel at the altar, there will be a very special person walking up in front of her.
‘Abigail is going to be my bridesmaid as she is insisting that she is too old to be a flower girl. She can’t wait.’
CAROL is an ambassador for Cystic Fibrosis Ireland’s 65 Roses Day on Friday, April 13. People are asked to support the day by buying a purple rose for €2 in participating shopping centres and Spar stores across the country or by donating online at 65rosesday. ie. You can also help by completing a 65 Roses Challenge by selling purple roses or organising your own 65 Roses Challenges, such as baking 65 cakes, cycling 65 kilometres, or swimming 65 lengths of a pool. Simply call Peter on LoCall 1890 311 211, email fundraising@cfireland.ie or visit 65rosesday.ie. You can also text 65ROSES to 50300 to donate €2
When those hard times come you know you’ll get there