WE’VE SLEPT IN THE SAME BED FOR 19 YEARS, EVEN THOUGH I SNORE
NICK SAYS: Well, here’s a nice bedtime story. My wife Ann and I have known each other for 23 years and been married for 19, and most nights we fall asleep together, wake up early together and enjoy contented rest in between. We hold hands before nodding off and hug each other on waking, and if for some reason we have to spend a night apart — because of work, or when one of us is ill — it feels strange and uncomfortable. I really miss Ann if she’s not there, and vice versa.
There is no hogging of the bedclothes, no complaining it’s too hot or too cold (we both like the window open), no children or pets getting in between us and no invading of the other’s space, at least without an invitation (we are both tall, so we have a super king size bed).
There are, it is true, occasionally issues over snoring when one of us — OK, me — has had a late night and drunk a scotch or three. Ann will then repeatedly prod me and implore me to turn over and end the cacophony. But I think she’d still rather I was there than not.
It was not always thus. By nature I am an owl and Ann is a lark. Throughout our life together she has had jobs in advertising which require her to be in the office by 8am at the latest. She likes to be in bed by 10pm on a ‘school night’, preferably earlier.
But when we met, I was a theatre critic with an overnight deadline so I usually got to bed around 3am and didn’t rise until 11am. I’d often disturb Ann as I crashed on to the mattress in the small hours, having ‘decompressed’ with a drink after work. I am amazed she never aimed a
vengeful kick at my head as she headed off, sleep-deprived, to the office a few hours later. Worse, I thought staying up was cool. It felt naughty and exciting, even if I was only reading or watching telly — a victory over our ancestors whose lives were dictated by sunset and sunrise. If I went to bed early, I feared I was missing something. When I finally stirred, I exulted that I was not shackled to the humdrum nine-to-five and a morning commute. Even when my job changed to more normal hours, I found it hard to go to bed before midnight. But marriage is not only a partnership but a constant state of adjustment to the other’s needs and habits. Now, in our 50s, and without Ann ever putting any pressure on me to change, our sleep rhythms have synced up. I have realised I’d much rather be in bed, asleep, with my wife than downstairs on the sofa with a book and a drink. And that I’d much rather wake up with her and open the curtains to see the dawn and the birds at the feeder outside our window.
Sometimes the ‘whisky elves’ get a hold of me and force me to carouse with them. But, given another 20 years of happy marriage, I reckon I can finally vanquish them, too. And my snoring really isn’t that bad. Although Ann may disagree . . .
ANN SAYS: For the avoidance of doubt, the snoring is that bad. And it’s directly linked to whisky (no other alcohol), so at least he can never lie to me about whether he’s had a tot or two. I just know. I recorded Nick’s snoring the other night and he had the audacity to find it funny. At 3am, with a 5.30am alarm beckoning, it really is not remotely amusing. Thankfully it’s not every night.
Before I met Nick I did find sharing a bed difficult. Smaller beds were more commonplace then and, as Nick says, I’m tall, so I always felt cramped and awkward. With Nick it’s always been fine and our bed is enormous, which I’m sure helps.
I like to congratulate myself that in the course of our relationship I’ve managed to change Nick’s attitude to a few things and he now shares my excitement about holidays, Christmas and, critically, a love of sleep.
Over the wonderful restful period between Christmas and New Year, when office life largely comes to a standstill, we revel in marathon sleep sessions, exchanging messages with other middle-aged friends, trying to see who can hit the longest night. We did ten hours two nights running last year. Rock and roll!
We are fortunate that we like the same temperature of room and mattress firmness, but really I enjoy sharing a bed with him because I like him being around.
After 19 years of marriage, our sleep rhythms only synchronised about two years ago — and it has been blissful.