Don’t judge a book by its cover: soul’s windows reveal the true emotions
THEY say the eyes are the window to the soul. To look deeply into a person’s eyes is to see their inner self, their true state of being. For it is the eyes that reveal the emotions, the deep feelings that lie beneath the surface.
We all project a certain image to the world. Some of us like to project joy, irrespective of our inner moods. Others allow their moods to flow freely, believing that repressing emotion is unhealthy.
Either way, it is the eyes that tell the real story behind the outer image.
A child’s eyes are, for example, bright and cheerful. They radiate love and a spirit of levity.
That is why, when children are sad, they don’t hold back. Their eyes immediately give way to a tsunami of tears. There is no hiding behind masks, no concealing the pain of a broken heart.
As we get older, we somehow lose this vital capacity. Is it that we don’t want to appear weak or out of control? Is it that we fear judgement, fear those who would condemn rather than show compassion?
The child simply trusts that when trouble comes, he can cry without condemnation.
He knows there will always be loving arms into which he can take refuge. But with the passage of life, we no longer seem to trust in those open and loving arms.
But what is compassion except sharing another’s suffering?
The word derives from the Latin passio, meaning suffering. We see another in pain and we say: ‘Come, let me help. A burden shared is a burden halved.’
And yet, we hold back. We put on our masks, project our best image, and march on as though we were in total control. The child weeps but we hide behind walls of our own making.
The one thing life has taught me, is that we can never assume anything about people based solely on appearance.
Behind every facade there is a deep and complex story. What you see on the outside is often at odds with what is going on inside.
We pass so many people each day, so many souls each with their own story of love, sorrow, joy and regret. We pass them believing that because there are no outward signs of distress, they must be at peace. But that is to assume far too much.
We might think someone is grumpy or bad humoured, we might think they are arrogant or rude. Very often, however, a person who appears grumpy is harbouring some deep sadness. A person who seems arrogant may be painfully shy.
It is true that we live in a ‘tell-all’ society, where little is kept private and much is on display.
But isn’t is also true that so many of us continue to shield our stories, continue to mask our emotions in the mistaken belief that no one will be there to offer a helping hand? That is why, if we are to be compassionate, we cannot let appearances deceive us.
Even if they do not cry, I can always tell what is going on with my children simply by looking at their eyes. In an instant, I can detect joy, fear, sorrow or – in the case of our own ‘Mr Bump’ – guilt.
That is how parents see beyond the surface into the depths of a child’s soul.
Imagine the transformation if we could do that with everyone we encounter.
Imagine what would happen if we stopped judging by appearances, looking instead into a person’s eyes. Where once we perceived crankiness, we might now see a person growing old in sadness.
COMPASSION really begins when we look deeply into a person. It is easy to be sympathetic in situations of obvious distress. But to share someone’s suffering with the aim of lightening their load requires deep looking and even deeper listening.
We need, in other words, to be there for each other the way parents are always there for their children.
If we are to be sensitive to suffering and the hidden trials that beset everyone, we must stop looking at each other face-to-face. We must be guided by the eyes, be conscious that the way we look is no indication of how we might feel.
The eyes: two windows through which you gaze into another world. It is a world to which you must travel to help and heal, to love and console. But it is a journey that can only begin when you see eye-to-eye.