GUESS HOW OLD WE ARE!
. . . because, as these women passionately argue, they feel more confident about their bodies now than in their 20s
LAST year, Sara Wells and her husband Richard visited Juan-les-Pins, a beach resort in the South of France that’s notorious for being populated by ‘the beautiful people’. For Sara, it was to prove a pivotal moment. For the first time in her life, the 64-year-old mother and grandmother felt confident enough to stroll nonchalantly on to the baking hot sand in nothing but a bikini.
‘Even though there were plenty of women with figures like models there were also lots of normal women, too — many older than me,’ she says.
‘And when French men looked me up and down — as they do — it was because they thought me attractive, rather than on the grounds that they were horrified I had dared to expose my body.
‘Had you told me 20 years ago that I’d have more body confidence in my 60s than ever before, I’d have laughed. In my 20s, I wouldn’t have ventured for an ice cream on the beach without wrapping myself in a towel.
‘But now I feel great because I’m constantly told how beautiful I am and I’m very much enjoying life in a way I didn’t think was possible.’
Do you dare to wear a bikini? The answer used to depend on your age: past 40 and you’d invariably reach for a demure swimsuit instead. However, that’s not the case in this brave new world, as Sara and these other proud bikini wearers will attest.
The bikini has fast become the barometer of happiness in middle age — or at least a measure of body confidence — and as a professor of health psychology I think it’s heartening that more and more women are taking the plunge.
I put it down to the fact that middle age can be hugely liberating if we let it.
You tend to be far less self-critical than you were in your 20s and you possess sufficient life experience to put a few lumps and bumps into perspective.
You know that being good looking (and thin) isn’t the be-all and endall and, just like Sara, you’ve learned to celebrate what you are, rather than how you look.
When we feel good about ourselves it changes our self-perception. As we age, this feeling can stem from fulfilment in other areas of life, such as work or relationships, rather than just how much we weigh or our dress size.
With such confidence comes a renewed appreciation of how we look — and thus we automatically appear more attractive.
People take us on our own evaluation; feel good about yourself and that’s what is perceived. In youth, you tend to obsess over too-short legs or a too-big bottom without seeing the taut tummy or finely turned ankles. By 45 or so, you accept that while some things can’t be changed, you can make the most of the assets you do have.
On a practical level, our middle years are actually a time when you may finally lose unwanted pounds without trying too hard.
Sustained weight loss often comes about as a result of a trigger; children leaving home (having no children to provide meals for often curbs frequent snacking and eating fast foods), the menopause or even ending long-term relationships can be taken as a positive and offer the potential for change.
The older we get, the more we’re open to an ‘improving mindset’, where we’re willing to transform and better ourselves.
That’s not to say there isn’t a hint of competition spurring us on to dust off our bikinis. Women always look at each other, and that doesn’t change with age.
But while there may be a bit of ‘bikini boasting’ going on in celebrity circles, by our age we take that with a pinch of salt.
I’m all in favour of older women braving the bikini. If it prevents the beach from feeling like a place of scrutiny and instead makes it a warm, relaxing sandy spot to enjoy, even better.