WASH MY CAR? ABSOLUTELY NOT

I OWN a white car – or rather, it used to be a white car.

Now, the bonnet and windscreen is a dazzling mix of yellow and reds where a thousand summer-time bugs have prematurely met their maker – kind of like a biological Jackson Pollock painting with lots of dark grey dust and diesel fumes thrown in. And even though it was the shiny white colour that first attracted me to my modest Hyundai i30, I’m going to hold off cleaning for some time yet. In fact, I’m going to display my dirt as a badge of pride.

When people look back on the great drought of 2018, I’m going to proudly declare that I didn’t wash my car, I gave up my long showers, and I certainly did not buy a 7,500-litre Lidl swimming pool. Joking aside, I do believe now is the time for solidarity.

The hosepipe ban is nothing – night-time supply cuts are coming and who knows what further restrictions after that. Water is needed for more important things than wiping dead bugs from our bonnets.