The one lesson I’ve learned from life
Rupert Graves
ACTOR Rupert Graves, 55, is best known for his roles in A Room With A View, Maurice, The Madness Of King George and Sherlock, where he plays DI Lestrade. He lives with his wife Susie, 42, and their five children, aged eight to 15.
DON’T PUT AMBITIONS BEFORE HAPPINESS
WE NEED to be kinder to ourselves. You’re not always going to achieve what you set out to achieve at 20.
My route as an actor was unconventional. Growing up, I went to a shocking school and there was no chance of me getting into university. At 16, I left to join the circus as a performing clown. Later, I worked at Butlin’s holiday camp, got an agent from the back of The Stage and was cast in a Dennis Potter play that went to the West End. I was spotted and cast in A Room With A View aged 21.
My advice to anyone would be: don’t waste your 20s and 30s not enjoying yourself. Do what you have to do, get where you need to be, be ambitious and work hard, but not at the expense of your happiness.
I’m lucky to do what I really enjoy doing. I would do it for nothing! I think that’s the reason I’ve been spared the worst excesses of the midlife crisis. In fact, I’ve actually got happier as I’ve got older. I’ve learned not to panic.
Now when I get a panic attack, I just go: ‘It’s just a panic attack, you’ll be fine. It will pass on its own.’ You’ve survived so many catastrophes by the time you are 50.
No one plans to have five children. Five is a scrum, a lower league, scrap-about rugby club. Giving individual time to each child is tricky. When I’m away working on location I really miss them. So when I’m home, I’m really home.
There’s an awful lot to enjoy about being older. Most people become a little bit more accepting and less dogmatic. I used to be quite shy — though I hide it well — but the important thing I’ve learned in life is, no matter who you are talking to, you’re going to have far more in common with them than not.
You might have differences in culture and opinion, you might have a different personality type, but that’s only 10% of the whole thing. If you focus on the similarities, life is much easier.
RUPERT GRAVES is in Swimming With Men, out now in cinemas nationwide.