CHILL OUT — DON’T RUSH THINGS

DON’T succumb to desperation. Learn to like your own company and you will be more at ease with others, too. Of course, older people hear Father Time’s footsteps and want to rush into the next stage. Life is, indeed, short — but all the more reason to use time wisely.

As the Daily Mail’s advice columnist, I receive letters from people so eager to find a second wife/husband/life companion that they rush in where angels would counsel patience. My advice: chill out! Live in the moment. Cherish companionship before you hustle for hugs.

If the person you’ve fallen for is recovering after bereavement, you must understand that the old love will always be present.

Encourage memories and stories of that other person. If you become impatient or jealous, you will kill the new love before it’s had a chance to spread its feathers.

Those coming back to life after divorce need time, too. They will not take well to being frogmarched into forgetting what came before.

I once apologised to my second husband for talking about my first and he said: ‘Why wouldn’t you . . . after all that time?’ What a wise man.

We all carry our pasts with us and the wise soul understands the richness of all experience. If your new companion has been hurt by a past relationship, you will help by listening and encouraging them to focus on the present.

That way, they will join you in baby steps towards the affectionate companionship — being what Charles Dickens called ‘a comfortable couple’ — that heals the heart.