CASE STUDY

Kelly Williams, 42, a mortgage adviser, is married to David Smith, 51, a taxi driver. They live with Kelly’s two teenage children.

KELLY SAYS:

DAVID and I tolerated each other’s sleep differences in the first flush of love, but we reached the point where neither of us was getting any decent sleep.

For me, David’s snoring was unbearable. It was so loud it would wake me up several times during the night. It made me feel so angry and resentful that sometimes I’d deliberately wake him up just to tell him he’d woken me up.

We were both miserable. We’d bicker a lot during the day, and exhaustion was even affecting my performance at work.

We didn’t have a sex life at all because we were both so tired — and because when you’re not feeling very happy with your partner, you don’t ever feel like having sex with them.

We agreed we needed to find a solution or we were going to find ourselves in the divorce courts. So I told him, why don’t we just have separate rooms where we can both get a good night’s sleep?’

We knew it didn’t mean that we didn’t love each other, it’s just that we couldn’t sleep in the same room.

Now, about once a week or so, I go to his room for sex, and then I go upstairs and go to sleep. There’s something quite exciting about this routine — I was worried we would lose intimacy, because we wouldn’t be cuddling up to go to sleep. But we still cuddle a lot.

We’re so much happier now. We both sleep properly, so we don’t get grumpy. Even the children are happier because they can see that we’re happier.

DAVID SAYS:

SINCE I moved into my own room, we are both so much happier. I felt guilty my snoring was keeping Kelly awake. She was working long hours and because of me she wasn’t ever getting proper rest.

At the same time, I’d feel angry and frustrated that she felt the need to wake me up, so I didn’t get a proper night’s sleep either.

Now I can sleep in whatever position I like and I love having my own space — my ‘man cave’.

Sex is no longer predictable and doesn’t happen just because it’s bedtime. Now it’s more spontaneous.

Although it’s good not to be disturbed when she goes to work, the only thing I do miss is waking up together in the mornings.