I can’t afford to move out of my mum’s house

DEAR BEL I’LL try to keep a long story short. My girlfriend and I had been together for two years. She’s 25 and I’m one year older.

Despite the fact that we had genuinely envisioned a serious long-term future for ourselves, in June this year my love ended our relationship, very abruptly. She said a lady should never ask a man to live with her — in other words, complaining that I hadn’t asked her, not wanting to commit.

But I still live at home with my retired mum, saving for a mortgage. Also before I met her I invested €32,000 of savings into start-up companies. I used up more money to refurbish Mum’s flat.

I work full-time on a below average salary with little disposable income — let alone enough for rent. When I reaffirmed how much I care and intended to build a future with her, she blocked all contact. Why didn’t she realise that, given financial hardship, I need more time?

She is a sweet, sensitive soul, yet has a fiery personality. I think she’s a very simple, straightforward lady. I’m shocked and confused by the way I have been treated.

I still love her deeply. I just don’t recognise her, ever since she switched jobs last year. Am I really at fault? JASON T HE soundtrack of my youth is awash with tears. Here is just one song for you — a Neil Sedaka classic:

‘Don’t take your love away from me / Don’t you leave my heart in misery / If you go then I’ll be blue / Cause breaking up is hard to do.’

So many songs have been about heartbreak, because it is an unavoidable part of the human condition. And that’s why so many of us remember times when we sat with a bottle of wine, crying over songs that expressed our heartbreak. What’s to be done? Be brave, accept it, look closely at yourself and vow that the future will be different.

Forgive me, but you don’t sound as if you understand women very well. Your ‘simple, straightforward lady’ is clearly far from that rather patronising description. If she is ‘a sweet, sensitive soul’ yet also ‘fiery’, that’s a formidable combination.

Since money seems to lurk at the heart of this issue, you’ll forgive my confusion. You don’t earn much, yet you had thousands to invest in startups. How and why? It must have frustrated your girlfriend to know that you had made such an extraordinary (even reckless) choice and I hope you see some returns soon.

Then to spend money on your mother’s flat — a decision that would have pushed the prospect of living together farther away. I don’t blame her for finding that rather annoying, you know. A passionate man might happily make a bedsit a paradise for his true love. And maybe that’s the kind of guy she wants.

Perhaps (brace yourself) she has met somebody in her new place of work and wants to give that fledgling relationship time to develop. Who knows? Life brings changes and we must roll with them.

Are you at fault? Possibly and possibly not. All of us make mistakes in relationships — but we grow through admitting them and being grateful for what we have learned.