Ronan O’ Reilly

I’M A CELEBRITY… GET ME OUT HERE Why I’m giving the Emperor Noel the thumbs-up

GOD, I will never live this one down. But let’s just get it out of the way quickly. There was a time in my life when I actually considered Noel Edmonds to be the epitome of cool. Believe it or not, I considered his shaggy hairstyle, everso-slightly straggly beard and cheesecloth shirts to be the bees’ knees.

I know, I know. All I can say in my defence is that my voice had yet to break at the time, so we’re not talking about today or yesterday. Or even the day before that.

To be fair, these things have to be taken in context. I’m talking about the days when Noel anchored BBC television’s Multi-Coloured Swap Shop, which was essential Saturday morning viewing for kids on both sides of the Irish Sea.

Come to think of it, I can still hum the tune for the novelty single that Noel recorded with his fellow presenters, Maggie Philbin and the late Keith Chegwin, under the name Brown Sauce. It was called I Wanna Be A Winner and it referenced several well-known figures such as Princess Diana, Kevin Keegan, Barbara Woodhouse and Frank Bough. Needless to say, it was absolutely terrible.

I can’t remember at which point it began to dawn on me that Noel wasn’t actually in the least bit cool. It was probably around the time I discovered that some of his political views were, let’s just say, less than progressive.

There was also a story that went around that he didn’t actually have a record player in his house, even though his day job involved spinning discs on Radio One. And then, of course, he went on to present some of the very worst television programmes in the history of broadcasting. Though there isn’t enough room here to go into the full case for the prosecution, but let us just pause to remember Noel’s House Party, Telly Addicts, Deal or No Deal and Cheap Cheap Cheap. I could go on.

Now he has turned up as a late arrival on the 18th series of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! For reasons that I didn’t

fully understand, he was dressed up as a Roman emperor. Perhaps he was on his way from a toga party.

It hardly needs saying that Noel has a big enough ego to fill the entire jungle. He has always been comically self-important and, so far, there is no sign that he’s changed on that score. Nonetheless, I’m rooting for him.

My reasons for this are entirely to do with self-interest, given that Noel has vowed to retire if he wins the contest. ‘If they vote me king of the jungle, I will never appear on television again,’ he said in an interview during the week.

Of course, he couldn’t resist engaging in a spot of grandstanding as well: ‘I may be Marmite, but there’s a hell of a lot of people that seem to like Noel’s version of Marmite.’ Like I have said here many times before, always to be wary of anyone who talks about themselves in the third person.

Incidentally, I saw Noel on Grafton Street once about ten or 12 years ago. He’s only a little fella, but he was trying to disguise the fact by wearing a pair of Cuban heels. Needless to say, he looked even more ridiculous than he did in his Emperor Nero gear.