HOW TO BE HAPPY LIKE HARRY

He meditates every day and has a Buddhist manual for life. Take a leaf out of Prince Harry’s book with simple lessons from the world’s best-selling Zen master to transform your universe (or at least ease the pain of Blue Monday!)

THE Duke and Duchess of Sussex will have a yoga studio at their new home, Frogmore Cottage in Windsor — and last week, Prince Harry revealed he meditates every day. But how can you achieve your Zen? In an extract from his bestselling guide, influential Buddhist HAEMIN SUNIM reveals how the mindful approach can make your life better...

WHEN we examine our lives, we see many imperfect things, like motes of dust on an old mirror. Our words are often different from our actions, our relationships are strained by our mistakes, our best-laid plans for the future go awry.

On top of that, in the course of our lives we inflict various wounds on others, intentionally or unintentionally, causing us to feel guilt and regret.

As we become spiritually mature, we naturally develop more empathy and try to see things from others’ perspectives. This, in turn, teaches us to accept the imperfections of others, and of ourselves, in a more graceful and compassionate way.

I have collected here my reflections on learning to look at the world, and myself, more compassionately. I pray that they can be a friendly hand for you in a moment of despair, and bring you peace in a time of difficulty.

LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE

WHEN there is someone who makes things difficult for you, do you try just to ignore it or put up with it, because it is not in your nature to do or say something that can potentially hurt someone?

I have met many good people who suffer from depression, panic attacks and other emotional disorders due to difficult human relationships.

Such people tend to be gentle, well-mannered and solicitous of others. They are the kind of selfsacrificing person who will habitually put other people’s wishes before their own.

Why, I wondered, do such good people often fall victim to mental and emotional suffering?

I, too, was introverted and meek as a child, and so was often praised for being ‘good’.

When I opened my heart and spoke honestly to an older friend, he gave me the following advice: ‘Be good to yourself first, then to others.’

It was like being struck by lightning. BEFORE going along with what others wish you to do, please listen to the voice inside you, telling you what you truly want.

When someone asks for a favour, don’t forget that you have the option to say: ‘I’m terribly sorry but I can’t do that.’

You have no obligation to take on a task that will be a great burden on you.

Just as, on a plane, you are told to put the emergency breathing mask on a child only after you have put one on yourself, there is nothing selfish about looking after yourself first. ONLY if you are happy will you be able to make those around you happy. The true winner is the one who is happy with his life. DON’T let your difficult past define who you are today.

If you do, you will live your whole life as a victim of the past.

There is life force within you waiting to shoot out of the ground of the past. Please trust that force of renewal. Bow respectfully to your past and proclaim: ‘From now on, I have decided to be a little happier!’ IF WE examine what motivates us, we see that even as adults we want recognition from other people, and that so much of what we do comes from that desire to be recognised. Shower your child with attention and make them feel secure in your love. This way, they won’t grow up starved for other people’s acknowledgment. THE nice cutlery set, tea, wine, clothes, pen, quilt that you have been saving for a special occasion — use them whenever you get the chance. When you make use of something special, it makes the moment special. THE house is a mess but you don’t have energy to tidy it up. In that case, invite your friends to your home. Suddenly, you will feel a surge of energy which can get the whole house tidied in 30 minutes! WHEN a beloved family member passes away, we feel sorry for not having looked after them better and guilty for not having protected them from harm.

Then, after many difficult and lonely nights, the spring, which we thought we’d never see again, returns. As the warmth of the spring sunshine touches our face, we feel as though the departed is still with us, wishing us happiness. We assumed we were alone but then realised we were not. NO MATTER how good a relationship is, it is inevitable that it will change over time. A close friend may move to another city, or a family member may pass away. Your circumstances, too, can change. But don’t let this make you too sad — because when one door closes, another opens. BEFORE you go to sleep, recall three things you were thankful for today. If you continue to do this for two months, you will see an increase in your level of happiness because instead of focusing on what is wrong with your life, you look for what is good.

THE ART OF GOOD RELATIONSHIPS

MANY people answer the question ‘what is the most difficult thing in life?’ with ‘relationships’. Since it takes two people to make a relationship work, and a relationship can easily be disrupted by third parties, they are tricky things to nurture.

In my own experience, even relationships that were strong for a long time seemed to suffer when, unbeknown to myself, I started to feel disappointed in the other person. Whenever I feel disappointed, if I don’t address

BY LIVING in accordance with the demands of others, we unwittingly neglect our own desires and needs. IF SOMEONE is unable to think beyond himself, it could be because he didn’t get enough love growing up. Because he felt that the world was cold and uncaring, he had to be self-centred to take care of himself. If there is a selfish person in your life who makes things difficult for you, look deeply into his pain and try to understand where he is coming from. IF A relationship causes you pain, then draw a firm line and distance yourself from the other person. Once you are apart, you will hear your internal voice and gradually become stronger and more independent. Do not lose your grip on the reins of your own life and allow yourself to be dragged around by someone else.