I have caught my lying boyfriend watching porn

DEAR BEL I’VE been with my boyfriend for two years, living together seven months. I found he’d been watching porn but, when confronted, he flatly denied it.

Later, I found that throughout our relationship he’s accessed porn. Eventually he confessed he didn’t know why and would stop.

It’s all been made worse by other lies. Before I found out about the porn he’d constantly lie about little things: breaking things and drinking alcohol (I could smell it). He claims he’s vacuumed when he clearly hasn’t — and so on.

I’m sick of being lied to. We’re meant to be moving to a place further from my family that will cost more. I feel I can’t trust him and don’t know the person I’m with.

I’ve spoken to him about the lies, but he either makes up more to cover them or says: ‘I was only joking — sorry you don’t understand a joke.’ He smirks as if he has one over on me.

I dread being five years on (perhaps with a child), wanting to leave and full of regrets. I’ve had awful boyfriends but this one is always saying how much he loves me. It used to make me so happy, but now I hold back. What shall I do? ANYA

YOU don’t tell me your age, but I am guessing you’re still in your 20s and therefore have decades ahead of working, having fun with friends, visiting your family, going to movies,

eating delicious meals, buying clothes and so much else.

Oh, the joy of living! Of possibility. You have no idea how lucky you are.

So why would you hitch your wagon to a man you no longer trust? Why walk open-eyed into an endless process of questioning what he has just told you…true, or not true?

If a lazy guy assures his girlfriend he’s just cleaned the sitting room when she can see the crumbs from where he chomped on a pizza in front of the TV, some might say he’s guilty merely of a harmless fib and not a crime. But in the end a truckload of fibs add up to a huge, steaming pile of nasty stuff you can’t possibly walk around or ignore.

The stupid fibs and omissions are one thing, the smirking at you when you are upset another — but the porn habit is odoriferous. He’s been viewing the revolting stuff for two years and denied it to your face.

You told him at the time (I had to cut your email) that it was actually the lying that bothered you most — and that was very broadminded. The ‘why’ of watching isn’t too hard to fathom — and it’s impossible to believe he’s not still at it, as it were. So this will always be between you.

In your longer email, you tell me you’ve suffered from depression and anxiety, so this uncertainty is making things worse. You also revealed your boyfriend was unsupportive when you had a big job interview and unsympathetic when you wanted an early night.

He makes fun of you as well as watching porn and lying — so forgive me for asking: why are you staying with him?

If you are afraid of being stuck with him, ditch those plans for the new place and move out. It sounds as if you have given him lots of chances, so wouldn’t it be adult and brave to face up to all your instincts — and call time on this relationship?