My dad’s dying wish was for me to keep dancing
Johnny Ward on facing a personal tragedy, his lesson in not judging people – and how his partner is the hardest working mentor on DWTS
JOHNNY Ward held his dance partner Emily’s hand and looked at his dying father. Hours earlier he had broken down in rehearsals, unable to concentrate on the complex dance routine that he would have to perform live on television in just three days.
Shattered emotionally, he had crumbled and had decided to quit Dancing With The Stars. They travelled to Harold’s Cross hospice and explained his decision to his devoted dad, who had been given two and a half weeks to live.
‘F*** off,’ was his father’s curt response, insisting that he finish his TV journey.
‘Those were the last words he spoke to me,’ Johnny says with a sad smile.
‘I was in the rehearsal room with Emily and I just broke down, I just said I couldn’t do it any more. I was chuffed to have gotten as far as I did but family comes first. She was in complete agreement with me and I just told her I had to go and see him.
‘The two of us went out to the hospice and spoke to him and he was not happy. He argued with me and he was just so annoyed that we were going to give up on the show. The last two words he said to me were “f*** off”, when I told him I was quitting. That sums up the sort of person he was.
‘He begged Emily to just focus on his son and to please keep going. That added more pressure — and guilt as well. I had to try and turn that around into a positive thing, where I was doing it for my father.’
It’s just over a week since Johnny and his family laid to rest their beloved father, John Sr, a 72-year-old musician. Johnny is thin, bordering on gaunt, yet he retains the warmth and charm that has made him a favourite with the DWTS cast.
Unable to grieve, the actor has thrown himself into his work, the only coping mechanism he knows.
‘I don’t feel like I’m me at the moment,’ he says. ‘It’s all a bit surreal. The death of my father hasn’t really sunk in at all.
‘A year ago he was fine, he had never been sick, never been in hospital in his life. Then in July, he had no energy and lost his appetite, which was huge for him. Within four days the doctors, out of the blue, told us he had stage four cancer, he was riddled with it — in his lungs, pancreas, liver and colon — and he had three months to live.’
Bizarrely Johnny found himself in a similar situation in July as he now faces. He was just about to open as one of the lead roles in Coppers: The Musical. Unable to walk away at the last minute, he would leave the theatre each night and go straight to his father in hospital.
‘I didn’t know what to do but I’d signed a contract and I had to go ahead with it,’ he says. ‘Every night, after each performance, I would go to the hospital and see him.
‘Then he came to see it, the day of the World Cup final. There was probably only about 35 people there, which was great because he was confined to a wheelchair. That was brutal to see because he used to be so healthy.
‘Then something miraculous happened — the tumour shrunk. He was out of the wheelchair and walking around. He went out and bought a car and was travelling all around the place. Up until February he was great. He was running and walking and talking like his usual self.
‘Then about three weeks ago, he took a turn and was back in hospital. We all thought he was back in for a check-up. But the doctors told us they were stopping the chemo because it wasn’t working and that he probably had a few months. That quickly became two and a half weeks and then he died.’
Johnny will never forget the moment the call came.
He was in studio, rehearsing a group dance when pro-dancer John Nolan called him over with a message to phone home.
‘I knew straight away and I just sank,’ he says. ‘I was lost. It’s such a weird feeling. ‘I know people will think it was expected and we knew it was on the cards but they had said to us before that he wouldn’t recover and he did so we wanted to believe it would happen again. But it didn’t.’
Just 24 hours later, Johnny found himself donning sequins and sporting fake tan back in front of the cameras on one of the country’s most popular live shows.
‘Looking back now, it’s like it was someone else going through the motions,’ he says.
‘That Saturday I went out to the hospice and I saw him with my family then I just had to pull myself together. I had to focus and get though the show because my family said, remember what he said to you.
‘Jennifer Zamparelli said on live TV that I was dancing for my father and it was just so much pressure. Then I just went blank for the two minutes of the dance. It went great but then after, the pressure returned.
‘Though I can’t lie, there is a small bit of a relief because we had this family WhatsApp group and for the last three weeks, every time it pinged I was filled with dread wondering what was happening. Was he alive or in hospital or dead? That’s all over now.’
Johnny was blown away by the support he received, not just from family and friends but also the cast and crew on the show. Singer Cliona Hagan, Ireland’s Fittest Family host Mairead Ronan, comedian Fred Cooke, ex-Fair City star Clelia Murphy, as well as Johnny’s dance partner Emily, and fellow pro-dancer John Nolan, were among mourners who attended the service.
Much of it was made up of his father’s poetry and writing, including a tribute to each of his children and grandchildren — a final surprise from a devoted father.
‘The service was amazing,’ Johnny says, smiling. ‘He had composed all the music for it, wrote so many things. There were lots of jokes.
‘It was in the Unitarian Church on St Stephens’s Green — he was secretary there for the last 32 years. It was beautiful and emotional and he left notes that we had never heard before.
‘It takes a tragedy like that to make you realise the sort of support and friendship you have on your side. All the DWTS people were there as well, which was lovely.’
Straight after, he was back into rehearsals and his dedication was rewarded with a perfect 30 points last Sunday. There has been much controversy among viewers that the Love/Hate actor has been continuously underscored by the judges, but Johnny says that after years of being typecast as a villain, it has been the public’s reaction to him that has really warmed his heart.
‘At the start it was the public and not the judges I was really worried about,’ he admits. ‘They’re so used to me keeping people in boxes, or as a rapist or a gangster, or having 46 kids with 46 women, like I did in Coppers. I always play that bad boy part and who was going to vote for him?
‘As it turned out, the opposite was the case. People were amazing and the messages of support I received from the public were incredible.
‘The overall thing I have learned is that I’m much more comfortable being myself. I also learned not to judge someone straight away.
‘When I met Holly Carpenter I was sure there was no way I was going to get on with her at all. The same with Demi, I just thought she was a bit too much. But I was completely
‘I knew straight away and I just sank, I was lost’
wrong and the two of them would be my favourite people now. I judged them by their age or accent. So I have learned to give people second chances because they are now friends and it would have been a shame to have missed out on that.’
Johnny pauses and takes a sip of his coffee and looks at his phone. A message has come in from his dance partner Emily, who is keen for him to get back to rehearsals. He wants to pay tribute to the Nottingham native, who helped him deal with his grief by listening to him and showing him how to channel his sorrow into dance.
But he also reveals that having the blonde as a dance coach has had its difficult moments. ‘It’s difficult to listen to someone who is nine and a half years younger than you,’ he reveals. ‘She is a workhorse. We’ll start at 12pm and go straight through until 1am. She’s so professional but the accent after a while does your head in, it’s just so annoying. Then you have to constantly do the same step over and over again — we could be an hour and a half working on one step. So I have lost it with her in rehearsals, effing and blinding, and having breakdowns and crying.
‘There are days when I just want to walk away and say I’m done because it isn’t fun and there’s no joy. But I shut up and stop fighting and keep on doing it because I would hate to look back and wish I had trained harder.’
Last Sunday, they got their just reward for all the hard work.
‘Last week’s dance was where I took all that grief, depression,
‘I’ve had breakdowns in rehearsals’
despair and hurt and put it on a paintbrush and turned it into a dance,’ says Johnny. ‘It was special. And to get the scores we did was huge and a standing ovation from the judges — they’ve never done that before. No disrespect to the other mentors, but they don’t seem to put in the same amount of work that Emily does, she’s been a revelation.’
Johnny finishes his coffee and puts his phone back in his pocket. In just over a week he will get his life back and is planning on taking some time off to spend with his mum and his ‘heroic’ girlfriend Rachel Tracey.
‘It has been really difficult for her, really tough,’ he admits. ‘She has done everything at home for me. We have a dog and she has taken that on board as well. She comes out to the shows and she sees the hard work and she understands that I’m working to an end goal and there’s only one week left so, roll on the finish line.’
Johnny is heading back to the dance studio to rehearse two dances for the semi-final. He is currently the odds-on favourite to win the series — although being crowned the champion is not something he puts great stock in.
‘We have never spoken about winning it,’ he says. ‘I think Emily wants to win it more than me. Her goal was to get to switch-up week and everything since then has been a bonus. I would love to win it for her and if it happens, it happens. But if it doesn’t, then no regrets.’