Give up and just move in with him

DOM SAYS:

WELL, I’m delighted to see that you’ve found love — that really is fantastic. It’s not an easy thing to find and we all know it gets harder as time goes on. So, my first instinct is to remind you of that and urge you to give it the weight it deserves.

You say you love him dearly, in which case you are not wasting your time. However, that doesn’t mean you will get everything your heart desires. Your chap is 66, it will be hard to change him.

I’m keen to impress on you that this fact doesn’t mean he will not commit to you. Five years is a decent amount of time to be together, so it sounds to me like he already has.

But I think you are barking up the wrong tree in trying to get him to move.

He’s been there for 66 years! He has spent almost seven decades in one house. I can only imagine what a huge wrench it would be for him to move. And, that needs to be respected.

You are asking him to leave the home that houses every single memory of his life. He probably sees his mother in the kitchen, his father pottering in the garden, and himself, at happy moments throughout his life, all over the house.

After that length of time, he is in the very walls of the place. Moving on might benefit your relationship, but equally it might cause him emotional turmoil.

He has made his desire to stay put clear. He says he’ll move after Brexit, after the pandemic, what’s the next delay, I wonder?

If you love him as you say you do, you must read the writing on the wall: he wants to stay put. So, why are you insisting that he should move? Yes, it will change things between you, but not necessarily for the better. I understand you’re keen to live with him, so here’s how I think you should proceed: give up trying to get him to move out and, once lockdown is over, concentrate instead on moving in. Little by little. You don’t even have to tell him. Do it slowly and he probably won’t even notice.

If he tells you to take your toothbrush home or refuses to let you put your things in a spare drawer — then you know you have a problem.

Remember, he hasn’t said no, he’s said yes. And it’s my bet he’s opposed to the move, not to living with you.

The house is a part of him and I think if you love him, you should try to love his environment, too.

Forget moving — he’s never going to do it. Have faith in his feelings for you, and remember, if you keep trying to get him out the door, you won’t get in it!