I want to be a manager. All I want are equal opportunities

THE NIGHT before Shaun WrightPhillips, Ashley Cole and others were racially abused in Spain in 2004, the same happened to me.

I was playing for England Under 21s, also in Spain, and went to take a throw-in to Darren Bent. A banana was thrown on to the pitch. I didn’t even notice at first. If I’m in a game of football, everything else is irrelevant. Football was my only get-out growing up, so I made sure nothing distracted me. A lot of players are like that.

When I turned around I thought, ‘That’s strange, there’s a banana’. I didn’t even look at it like that, as a racist gesture. But because Darren was looking towards me, he saw what happened and knew.

Thinking back, I probably didn’t register how much abuse I got because you kind of get desensitised to it. Growing up in football when I did, it became the norm.

It was not always blatant racism. Sometimes it was just snide comments about your culture, an attack on the way you look or stereotypes. It would be on a daily basis. Nothing specific really sticks out. You just let it slide.

There was always a stigma about black players being lazy, so I always made sure that I ran enough. Sometimes I would probably run for no reason rather than running smart. I’d be a headless chicken on the pitch trying to look busy.

Black players were used differently from white players, that’s still in the air now.

Athleticly we are advanced, yes, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t got intelligent players, too. I hated the stereotype that we are just muscle.

A lot of people say that black footballers back then turned a blind eye to racism and wanted to fit in. It was nothing to do with that. We had no support, so what could we do?

We didn’t see a lot of the antiracism campaigns. They weren’t as promoted as they are now.

Darren actually did complain about the incident with the Under 21s but nothing really got done. It didn’t go to UEFA or FIFA. Same with the first team the next day. Maybe there was a slap on the wrist, at most.

Younger players now are more selfless. Why should they go through it because of the colour of their skin?

These little snide comments are not overlooked any more. That’s why I commend people such as Raheem Sterling and Marcus Rashford. They are actually speaking out now. Now you don’t have to be nervous talking about this subject.

At West Ham, I remind my players every day: ‘You’re so lucky you’ve got me because you can relate to me — I’m like one of your pals, but at the same time, I tell you the truth.’ I didn’t have that.

When I got to Chelsea’s first team, the first people who looked after me were Gianfranco Zola and John Terry, two white players. We all know about Terry’s misdemeanours but he showed leadership and helped me get to a point where I could settle.

Mario Melchiot was really influential in helping me settle, too, but the other black players didn’t really do much for me, I’m not going to lie.

Now when I go into the academy I say I’m going to do exactly what Zola, Melchiot and Terry did to me. These kids need that kind of confidence boost.

Eventually, I want to be a manager and all I want are equal opportunities. Ashley Cole and I are studying now, about to do our A-Licence, and he doesn’t want to go into a job underqualified. Yes we know the game but we want to be so qualified that there are no excuses for owners to not give us a job.

If I want someone who owns a club to take me seriously I have to get everything bang on — do my due diligence and leave no stone unturned. The white people who own these clubs don’t have black people at the top with them, so we have to show we are serious and make them confident in us because there is little evidence of black people doing it in the past.

It’s not right, but to be the first black person to break that mould, you have to do it. Later on, when there have been a few more, it will be easier to hire.

This period has taught me a lot and been quite eye-opening.

I’ll be more ready than I was last year when I go back (after lockdown). Now I can say I can be a manager because I feel like I can.

I know I’m going to be one of the first of my era to go into a job so I’ve got to make it right for the next generation. I’m doing it for every black person to be successful. That’s why I’m thinking this is bigger than me. This is for the culture. It’s for us to grow and then there will be an influx of black managers. I’ve told Ashley we have to get it right because people will be looking at us.