Our little dog is on my bed, and Brian’s in his man cave
MARY ROBERTS, 68, lives with husband Brian, 68, a process engineer. The couple, who don’t have children, married in their 20s before divorcing, then remarrying 13 years ago. They have had separate bedrooms for nine years.
MARY SAYS:
I WILL never forget a boss I had in my 20s telling me, ‘I love having sex with my wife but I don’t like sharing a bed with her because there’s nothing more important than a good night’s sleep.’
As a young woman, I thought, ‘How unromantic — I’ll always sleep with my husband’ — but now I realise how wise he was.
Even my widowed friends tell me that, while they miss their husbands, they don’t miss sleeping with them.
Brian is a starfish sleeper, his arms and legs stretched out at angles, so I’ve spent many a night pushed to the edge of the bed, gripping on to the side of the mattress.
That was bad enough but in 2011 he got a new job, which meant commuting into the city — and a 5am alarm.
Our dog, Princess Honey Doodle, a fluffy, white Lowchen, has always slept on our bed and he would wake us both, so Brian agreed to sleep in the guest bedroom.
He put a TV on the wall — he likes to watch sport at night and I hate having a TV in the bedroom — and installed a stereo system, with headphones, turning it into his man cave.
My room, always quite feminine, became even girlier. I bought a cerise chaise longue and flowery bedding. And I’ve got a king-size, ornate bed.
When we moved, in 2018, into a five-bedroom bungalow we had been so happy with the set-up we didn’t consider sharing a room.
I have the big bedroom, with a walk-in dressing room and en suite, and a beautiful rose mural.
Sex can still be part of your relationship. You don’t have to be in the same bed every night.
BRIAN SAYS:
I’M A restless sleeper and Mary isn’t, so I’m glad I no longer have to worry about disturbing her.
We share a bed, always a kingsize, on holiday, which is nice, but it works better for us in our daily life to sleep apart.
We’ve done it for so long I think she’s got used to it — and it means I can watch football on TV before I go to sleep. It works for us and we’re no less loving.
It’s not something I talk about to other people, so I’ve no idea what their view would be.