Let him go and then you’ll know

DOM SAYS:

FIRST, I’d like to thank you for writing to us. In such tricky times it’s great to hear something positive. It does seem at the moment that all we hear is bad news, so it’s wonderful to be reminded of the good stuff. Falling in love is delightful, but what a shame your boyfriend has had to go and spoil it all.

As we all know — and it should go without saying — children must always come first. There is, I’m afraid, no getting around that and nor should there be.

So I think what you must do is consider what you can and cannot make happen with regard to your son and his life. He is in absolute pole position in your life until he turns 18. That means you have seven years to try to figure this out — which is, I think, more time than you will need.

At the end of your letter you ask us: how do you know if it really is love? Well, I would say, it’s when you simply can’t stop thinking about them — when you’re going to see that person and when they can be back in your life all day, every day.

You have received a beautifully romantic proposal and, quite naturally, you want to scream ‘yes’ from the rooftops and go and dance in the ferns.

But you can’t risk your son’s happiness for a relationship you are not yet sure of.

I’m not sure you should risk it even if you are utterly certain about your feelings and those of your boyfriend.

It’s a shame your bloke is so set on leaving. I assume you have discussed this with him at length and he has made his decision. If so, then, hard as it’s going to be, you must make a decision too.

I think you should try to make the distance thing work until both of you decide you can’t take it any more. When that point comes you will know. And then you should move heaven and earth to make a relocation work for your son — or your boyfriend must move heaven and earth to return.

But there is, I fear, a note of caution to be sounded here. In principle, the wilds of the country should be worthless and empty for your chap if you are not there. Should he find that actually he desires the open roughness of the country more than you, then you will know.

It is, sadly, not beyond the realms of possibility that this most heavenly love is a sort of holiday romance, suffused with excitement and passion because of the pandemic.

If your chap says he has to go, let him go.

You will know soon where the future lies. I hope it’s a happy one for you and your son.

IF YOU have a question you’d like Steph and Dom to tackle, write to: features@dailymail.ie