HOW CAN I FACE MY LOVED ONES’ DEATH?

DEAR BEL,

I READ your column every week, learn from your words and have a good life — 66, married with an adult son, happy and contented, the three of us at home together. My family and friends regard me as a positive, optimistic person.

My anxiety is this: I often think of the years to come when (if life pans out as I imagine) I shall have to face the passing of my older brothers, sister and their partners — age difference 17 years. I have so much to be grateful for, yet can’t stop brooding — even though I know things cannot be predicted. As yet, everyone is fit and well (though my parents and a beloved brother died early), but I’m ashamed to admit I’m dwelling on this before I need to. How do I accept this natural situation and its inevitability with good grace? LAURA

IT’S important not to lay every unhappiness at the door of wretched coronavirus and lockdown, but the grim situation has had a colossal impact on our mental health. So many problems are magnified. Endless warnings and accounts of danger, doom and death put gloom at the forefront of the collective mind.

What can be done about your preoccupation? Some of it may obviously date back to losing your parents and brother before time.

There’s nothing for it but to work towards a philosophical acceptance of mortality. Easier said than done? Maybe — but essential, nevertheless. I can’t possibly tell you how to live with the certainty that loved ones will die.

All I can suggest is that you make yourself live in the moment, noticing the beauty of the world, blocking out as much of the horrible stuff as you can, and fill your glass up with something expensive and delicious, then raise it in a toast to life.