It’s a Fawlty argument to say we need Hogan in EU

IN the famous ‘don’t mention the war’ episode of Fawlty Towers, where Basil’s in hospital after he’s struck on the noggin by a falling moose head, he insists that he’s needed back at the hotel: Polly, he tells Sybil, can’t cope on her own.

‘Well,’ says Sybil, ‘she can’t fall over waiters, or get herself jammed under desks, or start burglar alarms, or lock people in burning rooms, or fire fireextinguishers into her own face, but I think the hotel can do without that sort of coping for a few days, what do you think, Basil, hmmm?’

Since the departure of Phil Hogan as EU Trade Commissioner, the lament from his outraged supporters has been to the effect that we’ll never find anyone capable of replacing him. Or, in other words, that the likes of Mairead McGuinness, currently one of the frontrunners in the race for the position, couldn’t possibly manage the job as well as Big Phil.

Well, let’s see: she probably wouldn’t flout Covid-19 restrictions and ignore clear quarantine guidelines when she came back from Brussels.

She might not ricochet around the country like a pinball, hitting at least six different counties in the space of a few days. She might not join a crowd of 80 other people at a golfing dinner in a Galway hotel when she must have known it was against the rules.

She might not refuse to apologise, in the face of patent national fury, when it emerged that she’d breached the guidelines. She might not supply piecemeal and incomplete explanations to her boss in Brussels, when asked to account for her movements.

She might not blow the chance to redeem herself, in an interview with one of RTÉ’s most incisive reporters, by attempting to blind him with an avalanche of fudge. She might not make it impossible for her most supportive boss to keep her in her job.

And she might not leave the entire country questioning the true extent of her famed negotiating skills as we watched her talk herself out of a job. But then, as Sybil might say, the country can do without that sort of managing for a few years, what do you think, hmmm?

Anyone who saw Mairead McGuinness tell Nigel Farage where to stick his little Union Jack flag, as he and his Brexiteer chums marked their last day in the European Parliament, won’t have any doubt that she is more than a match for the best negotiating team that the British can field. She is the first Vice-President of the European Parliament, and she is a reliably impressive, informed and eloquent performer on the international stage.

She clearly has the confidence, and even the admiration, of Ursula von der Leyen, and she has a firm grasp on the challenges Brexit presents for this country. She comes from a farming background – which in itself tends to breed a certain no-nonsense, no-frills type of dame – and worked in RTÉ as a presenter and reporter on Ear To The Ground, so she’s well versed across all manner of agricultural issues. And she’s media-savvy, so she’d know better than to sit smirking at the camera, as Big Phil did, when a display of contrition might be more appropriate.

SIMON Coveney reportedly ruled himself out of contention because ‘I would need to have a very good reason to move away from the focus that I have at the moment’, plus there’s no guarantee that we’ll hold on to the crucial Trade portfolio. Or, as one Fine Gael source translated his comments: ‘If the job is big enough I’ll take it, otherwise I’ll leave it to the girls.’ Pulling out of the race also saved him any loss of face, of course, if one of ‘the girls’ happened to pip him to the post, and it does seem clear that Ms von der Leyen wants a woman in the job.

It would be a huge disservice to Mairead McGuinness, though, to suggest that her gender might swing her the role. She knows her way around Brussels, she’s well in with the Commission President, she’s elegant, whipsmart and articulate, and has the brisk air of a woman who takes no prisoners and gets the job done: no schmoozing, no backslapping, no locker-room banter, and no cosy golf games with the old boys’ club. And, as we’re slowly beginning to realise, the country can manage without that way of doing international politics for the next few years. What do you think, hmmm?