LOVE in a Covid climate
We might be in lockdown but Ireland’s dating experts say there are still ways for lonely hearts to make a connection — even if kissing is ruled out for now...
SINCE March, Ireland as we know it has completely changed — from our supermarket shopping to our now non- existent nights out. And during the first lockdown, social media posts by the country’s many singletons brought into sharp focus the fact that so many people were no longer able to date in their usual way.
In fact, since then there have been no more casual dates in the pub - and meeting up with someone brings the added complication of social distancing and the real danger that getting close could increase your chances of getting Covid-19.
Now lockdown has arrived for the second time this year, meaning singletons of all ages have been plunged i nto not- sosplendid isolation for another six weeks. But there are ways to find love in a Covid climate — the experts say the way we are looking at our love lives has completely changed, with casual dating becoming a thing of the past and a return to the oldfashioned style courting that was the norm before swiping right arrived.
Jennifer Haskins has been carrying out introductions, setting up dates and matchmaking for the last 12 years with her agency Two’s Company, which has members throughout the 32 counties between the
Daters are looking for relationships, not casual hook-ups
ages of 28 to 78 from all walks of life from farmers to corporate CEOs. And since the first lockdown, business has been booming at the agency as Jennifer says people realised what they wanted from their lives.
‘When people come to me they have often tried online dating but with no success and will say “I just want someone genuine, I want someone who wants a relationship and not a hook-up.”
‘There is a danger with some online sites that they can attract people who are just window shopping. They are spending a bit of time online, they are not actually free but are still in relationships where they might not be particularly happy but they are seeing what’s on offer.
‘If they do make a connection and you are the person that has connected with them then you don’t know until three six months down the line or longer that this person isn’t totally free.
‘When people come to an agency, we will find that out very quickly. If I am making an appointment with someone, I will send them confirmation but I will also attach terms and conditions — a contract which says you must be completely unattached and free to form a relationship, not living with an ex partner and we make sure that is very clearly defined.
No-one wants to date someone and then find that they aren’t completely unattached.
‘For some of these people that are only I call them ‘new nesters’ what it really means is they are looking for a nest to settle into before they leave the old nest. Like going out looking for a new home.’
Jennifer, who has a background in counselling and psychotherapy, says there has been an increase in high end clients looking for love over the past few months as people have realised what’s missing in their lives and many now understand the American dating model that has been adapted here is not something that works for them.
‘Lots of people who are running businesses and are normally flying around the world have been grounded,’ Jennifer says. ‘And they have suddenly realised they are by themselves and waking up to the fact that maybe what’s missing in their lives is not to be busier but to be connected to a life partner.
‘The levels of these people coming to our agency has doubled in the last few months.
‘People have more time to focus on what’s important because when something like this happens, it shakes our world and we start to re-evaluate what life is really about and the fundamentals become more obvious.
‘Connection with other human beings is a fundamental need and that’s why we always need to be proactive and see how we can make connections with others in a safe environment for both our physical and mental health.’
In the months since the first lockdown, Jennifer has been matching up her clients and sending them on socially distanced walking dates which have been a great success.
‘Essentially it means people have still been getting out and meeting but using the social distancing protocol which we are very careful about.
‘We are adhering to that but what we say to people is we can still match you up. The clients can have a chat on the phone first to break the ice and then go for a walk outside together.
‘Since we started that on June 1 the feedback has been phenomenal. People have told us they are the best dates they have ever had. So we know it works very well for people and it’s healthy. It’s easier and healthier there’s no alcohol involved, you are getting fresh air and getting to chat to the person for half an hour. You are going to know if you are connecting with that person.’
Travel restrictions and worries about contracting Covid have also pushed some dating apps into taking action too.
Bumble, an app which focuses on allowing equality for women by only permitting men to speak to a woman who had started a conversation with them, has recently introduced new a new feature that lets people declare what kind of dates they are looking for: virtual only, socially-distanced, or socially-distanced with masks to allow daters to search for people who are dating in the same way as you.
People are going back to ‘slow dating’
A survey by the company has revealed over a third of daters are worried about how to be physically intimate in these times as 45 per cent now say they are nervous about meeting up.
The company was also one of the first to introduce video dates which have been running for a year or so. Naomi Walkland, head of Bumble’s UK and Ireland operation, says the company has seen a return to what she calls ‘slow dating.’
‘ We are age agnostic but you have to be over 18 to download the platform,’ she says. ‘Where we are different is that we are a women-first platform so women make the first move. ‘But what we have found lately is people are going back to slow dating. People are really taking the time to establish whether there is a connection now as they are longing to have a more meaningful connection.
‘I think courting is back as a result of lockdown, people want to make sure they feel comfortable and safe before meeting up within the guidelines.’
Video dates and Zooming have become one of the norms for those on the app but people are also engaging in fun ways to make a video date more exciting.
‘What we saw in the first lockdown was that people were coming up with really creative ways to go on video dates,’ Naomi says. ‘We have some stories of people cooking dinner together whilst on a Zoom call or having a glass of wine together on a Friday night. We have people who are opting for ‘Meet the pets’ video dates where the pets come online too.
‘We know that people are taking a bit more time to talk before meeting up in real life. They are taking time to really explore whether or not there is a connection before meeting face to face. People are trying to figure out what they are comfortable with in real life as well.’
For 30-year-old Meghann Scully, a presenter, podcaster and writer from Limerick who has been single on and off for the last two years, video dates have become the norm. She is signed up to Bumble and now prefers to use the app to find video dates before she meets up with anyone as social distancing makes things more difficult.
‘I have had a Zoom date and it was a bit of craic, she says. ‘We had been chatting before texting a lot and talking on the phone a lot so it was naturally the next step. It was really fun.
‘ I think it is really interesting the way things are changing. I did a poll on my Instagram and most people said they wouldn’t go on a Zoom date. I know some people aren’t as comfortable with Zoom and video calls as I would be as it’s more second nature to me as I do it every day. But I think why not?
‘In these lockdown times you aren’t mean to be meeting up with people so you kind of have to use what you’ve got. I think it’s a bit of fun and a natural progression from phonecalls and texts, especially now that we are in a six-week lockdown again.
‘And if you’re really uncomfortable you don’t have to talk to them again because it’s a video call so there’s no one of that awkwardness of having to physically meet someone and realise you have nothing in common.’
Meghann agrees that the days of casual dating are gone as there’s no meeting up in pubs and clubs any more.
‘The first lockdown really showed a lot of single people that they were lonely and they realised they were done with seeing different people and wanted to meet one person. Even though it was quite a tight timeframe, I do know people who have actually met someone between lockdowns and are now moved in for the second lockdown or are giving it a go and have someone for the next six weeks.
‘Dating life is changing in the fact that people now are saying right maybe it’s time to meet one person and not multiples.’
While she’s not going to rule out talking to people on Zoom or after lockdown is over, meeting up with someone, the removal of casual dating by Covid means there’s strictly no kissing for Meghann.
‘The shifting is gone,’ she laughs. ‘I would be too afraid to kiss someone even if I had been on three or four socially distanced dates with them.
‘Unless they are coming to the date with their negative test results, it’s just too much of a risk! But I am still hoping to meet someone, I’m not going to rule it out.’
And Jennifer Haskins agrees there are still ways — like phone calls — to make a connection so there’s no need for anyone to feel lonely and isolated.
‘There are lots of things people can do to connect,’ she says. ‘Lockdown doesn’t mean you have to stay isolated and stuck at home feeling depressed and lonely. There is always something you can do.
‘I actually believe that at a time like this when the general feeling is quite low, yes you can’t control anything about the current circumstances but what you can control is how you react to it.
‘There’s always light at the end of the tunnel and there’s always something you can do to move forward and make a great connection with someone.’
‘I would be too afraid to kiss someone’