There’s beauty and wisdom in growing older
and those wrinkles will come, no matter what!
At 66, she’s had a partner for two years and is about to be a granny for the second time. In a revealing interview, Mary Kennedy says…
IT’S not the start of retirement most women would expect — having your svelte pins flung in the air by a man less than half your age. But then, broadcaster Mary Kennedy is not like most women.
She retired last Christmas and then dived straight in to Dancing With The Stars where her lovely legs were the talk of Ireland. So it’s no wonder that at 66, the glamorous television presenter looks stunning but has no truck with nips, tucks and trying to hold back the sands of time.
‘I can remember when my mother was in her sixties,’ Mary says. ‘She was a very active woman who was widowed quite young so she did woodwork and painting and decorating and gardening.
‘But back then I still considered your sixties to be advanced in years. And now I am 66 and I just feel like it’s nothing!’
It can be hard leaving the job you love, especially when age is your only barrier and for Mary, her exit from RTÉ at 65 was something she didn’t want to do. But now she’s working on so many different things — at the minute a chart-topping podcast and a new series for TG4 — and feels the change has done her the world of good.
But doesn’t she feel that women over a certain age can be dismissed and glossed over?
‘At one’s peril,’ Mary says with a laugh, but you definitely get the feeling it wouldn’t be wise to dismiss her.
‘I wouldn’t have chosen to retire at 65 but the contract I had specified 65. And you can’t even blame RTÉ for it, it’s a public service thing,’ she adds. ‘I do think that should change but having said that, I really couldn’t have enjoyed more the variety of things that I have been offered and have been able to accept since retiring.
‘I went straight from retiring into the dancing — my God, that was just so invigorating! I wasn’t conscious of the fact that I was a 65-year-old woman going in there, but there might have been a tendency in some quarters to think “Ah no, there’s no way she can do that.”
‘And yet, if you embrace it, it’s fine. It didn’t register with me that it might be a little more difficult if you’re 65. And I was up for everything. Poor John Nolan,’ she says of her 30-year-old dancing partner. ‘ He said in the beginning he was wondering if he should suggest a back flip but anything he suggested — 360 degree turns, backflips, jumping up on his shoulders, I said “Yeah let’ go for it!” They all worked because he is a really good teacher. And I loved it.’
From that Mary went to filming a programme for RTÉ during lockdown from her own back garden, she’s an ambassador for the Irish Osteoporosis Society and now her podcast has just gone live, hitting number one in the Apple Leisure chart for Ireland with its first episode featuring Patricia Scanlan.
She’s still great friends with the Nationwide team and though she does feel pr o ud of what she achieved on the programme over the years, she’s very happy with how things are going now.
‘Change is good,’ Mary says after a momentous eight months. ‘In actual fact when you talk about someone like me who is in their mid-sixties, change is very good because you really have to, I suppose, reinvent yourself. To go from strolling down a beach and having a conversation with someone to jumping up in the air with the dancing two weeks later is quite a change and it has been great.’
Her podcast features six Irish authors from Mary McAleese to Cathy Kelly, and Mary came up with the idea for it herself.
‘I really enjoyed doing the podcasts — it meant in the first lockdown I had an opportunity to read books by Irish women writers that I hadn’t had a chance to before because I was always reading but for work.
‘So we came up with eight very different, very engaging — very sound is the word I would use to describe them — Irish women writers. Patricia Scanlan, Christ i ne Dwyer Hickey, Mary McAleese, Sheila O’Flanagan, Cathy Kelly and Rachel English. It was difficult because of social
‘You have more confidence in yourself’
distancing as they were at one end of the room and I was at the other. But they were wonderful.’
Mary is a firm believer in women supporting women and one of the things she loved about doing the podcasts was that her interviewees say what they think.
‘They say what they think and what they believe,’ she says. ‘They are not trying to impress anyone, they are very true to themselves and that’s another lovely thing that happens as you get older. I think you have more confidence in yourself and your own truth.
‘And it really doesn’t matter what other people think about it as long as, deep down in your heart and your soul you are happy with it, and feel that it’s just and compassionate and right. These people have done that, they have spoken so eloquently about the things that matter to them and the things that don’t matter to them.’
And what doesn’t matter to Mary is this idea that women must iron out their wrinkles and hold on to their youth to remain beautiful.
‘I really do feel that’s a very unfortunate mentality because it means that you’re striving to hold onto something that you just can’t hold onto,’ she says, matter-of-factly.
‘There’s no point. I think there is beauty and wisdom and charm and empathy that increase as you get older. The wrinkles will come, no matter what you do! And I think it is a bit sad to be harking back to the past. I think it is really good for us — and a lot of people talk about it in these times — to live in the present and enjoy where you are, to enjoy the fact that your body is changing, that your energy levels are changing and you’ve got to work a little bit harder.
‘There’s a lovely quote that I have used in one of my books by a woman called Lady Diana Cooper. I just think it sums this whole mentality up —“First you are young, then you are middle aged, then you are old, then you are wonderful.” And I just think that is the whole point because we are the accumulations of all of the ages and stages that we have been.’
At this stage, Mary is a mother of four grown-up children — Eva, Tom, Eoin and Lucy — and a granny to Paddy who is 18 months. Paddy is soon to get a little brother or sister who will be arriving next month and Mary is delighted. ‘He’s going to be a big brother at 18 months,’ she says. ‘I’m not sure how he’s going to embrace it. He’s the first grandchild in either family so he has been the centre of attention and that’s going to change.’ Mary finds being a granny is different to all the ‘racing and chasing’ of being a mother. ‘I’d say to young mothers and my daughter in particular “Don’t think when he’s quiet and playing with a book ‘OK I’ll go and put on a wash.” ‘That’s your instinct first time around and you kind of miss out on little moments and just being. And I have really enjoyed just sitting on the floor doing his bidding — whatever he wants really,’ Mary says laughing, the love and affection obvious f r om the warmth in her voice. ‘Just going out for a walk with him and looking at the leaves on the ground, taking it easy and enjoying him. That’s how it’s different from being his mother. And you get a very real sense of the bloodline that this is our tribe and our family — it’s the next generation and it’ s very special. And very important.’
There’s someone else who is special in Mary’s life too — her boyfriend Tom who she has been seeing now for almost two years. They met through a mutual friend and Mary says she’s very happy.
‘It’s coming up to two years which is lovely. I’m very happy, it’s going great and he loves hiking as well. We also love going to the cinema but we haven’t been back there since March.’
But as Tom has his own home, the first lockdown caused issues and this one means they can only stroll together in the park.
‘During the first lockdown — I think f or three months — I couldn’t see him as he lives seven kilometres away. When it came to the 5kms we would meet in the park and go for a walk. And then summer was really lovely — we did some very nice trips around Ireland, went over to my sister on the island, went to a friend down in Kerry; we went to Donegal. I just loved it. These were places I had been to with Nationwide and it was so nice to be going back and not having to put on a microphone. Just to chill.’
Mary will be at home with her daughter Lucy, a photographer who photographs Mary’s nephew Dermot Kennedy while he’s on tour. But she will miss seeing the rest of her children and Paddy and will have to wait to meet her new grandchild, due in just a month, before the restrictions lift. And for Mary, these are the important things in life.
‘I love people, I love occasions, I love having people in the house, I love having gatherings in the garden. That’s what I am looking forward to having again,’ she says. ‘Luckily on Wednesday my son who has just got engaged and his girlfriend came for dinner and I was so pleased because they can’t now for another four weeks at least.’
She runs 5kms at least four times a week in an effort to take care of her bone health and she loves hiking too. And she feels it’s important for women especially to take care of their bone health.
‘The older I get, the more my independence matters to me. That’s why I would appeal to people to go to irishosteoporosis.ie, do the risk assessment test and take it from there.’
‘I do feel that first of all you have to have a mindset that allows you to embrace positive ageing and good ageing and being fit and being healthy. It’s never too late to start. Walking is fab as well, so many people love walking. Anything that gets you putting one foot in front of the other outdoors is good for your physical health and your mental health. And we really do need to look after ourselves, especially in these times.’
Having ‘stuff ’ as she calls it, is something that doesn’t matter to Mary.
‘I have really got to a stage in life where I’m not interested in accumulating things. I shop maybe twice a year and that’s because really the things that I am wearing are probably falling apart. I see people who are slaves to posh stuff and I can’t relate to it.’
But there is one thing that she won’t allow to age naturally and that’s her hair.
‘I love getting my hair done,’ she admits, laughing. ‘Here I am in my mid sixties and I just love getting my colour done. That’s my little boost.’
See irishosteoporosis.ie
‘It’s coming up to two years and I’m very happy’