I’M LOCKED DOWN IN ABUSIVE HELL
DEAR BEL
I’VE noticed my hair is falling out. Anxiety and chest pain.
People think I’m strong, but I’m not. I should ring the GP, but you never see the same one and they don’t know you.
This was the case even before Covid. I long for a caring doctor who takes the time to listen. Not all ailments are visible.
Discussing the virus with a friend, I confessed I’m not coping. I survived March lockdown; the weather was good etc. But my other half’s drinking got out of hand. Second lockdown, it increased. The abuse started. The verbal stuff isn’t that hard to deal with, but the physical abuse is another story.
He never remembers or says sorry the next day. I got a black eye and a fat lip. Another time he was drunk and I went to help him get on the bed. He didn’t like my assistance/interference and pushed me away. I fell on the floor and in his rage he stamped on my ankle.
I am now limping and tell anybody who asks (when I go out) that my plantar fasciitis in my heel has returned.
Now here we are again and since my partner is self-employed (I’m employed by him) no money is coming in. It feels harder than ever. This loneliness may be my own fault, as I was brought up in an era when people said: ‘You made your bed, so lie in it.’ It’s taboo to discuss personal problems.
Thank you for listening, I have no one to turn to. JUNE
YOUR letter makes me sad, angry and helpless. I hope it helps others realise how terrible it is for women trapped in lockdown with an abusive partner.
Staying at home is all very well, but what if ‘home’ is hell? There was a huge spike in domestic violence during the first big lockdown and since the current situation is worse (levels of stress and helpless anger) I fear there will be a grim reckoning come this spring.
I don’t want to treat you as a statistic, June; your unhappiness is individual and real. Nevertheless you are yet another woman experiencing potentially dangerous illtreatment at the hands of her partner - and nothing is being done.
You don’t say if you’ve ever tried to leave him, or whether the drinking is only recent. Like many people he’s probably been driven to excess drunkenness by stress.
Perhaps you accept it as a part of your lifestyle together, in which case you should urgently visit the website Al-Anon (al-anon-ireland.org), as his behaviour is entirely unacceptable.
On the subject of getting help, you must both get information on possible government aid for the selfemployed, so I hope you do have access to a computer to find out what there is. Lockdown imprisons people within their misery. Is there somewhere at home you can retreat to when he is drunk? Please contact Women’s Aid on 1800-341-900 or see womensaid.ie. If your partner injures you again, you should call the guards when he has passed out.
This man needs to be told what he’s doing. You are unwell and under great strain so need to see your doctor. Please, please do, because this awful situation cannot continue.