One woman rang me to say she’d had beautiful sex with her husband after several years of abstinence

SENSUAL GAME TO RELIGHT YOUR FIRE

WHEN it comes to rediscovering your sensuous side, I’m a great believer that a little goes a long way. Sex techniques are great — but you have to be in the mood for making love to want to use them. Often, re-connecting with your partner on an emotional level will lead you to sharing better sex. Here are some of the methods I use on my couples’ courses:

1 BOTH of you close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Now, think back to the first time you met. Where were you? What were you wearing? What were you doing? How did you feel? What did you think about this person? Open your eyes and share what you remember with your partner.

2 CLOSE your eyes again and this time think back to the first time you kissed your partner. Where were you? How did you feel? Share your memories with your partner. Chances are, you might feel the urge to kiss again.

3 NEXT, think of a time when you looked at your partner and thought, ‘Wow’ — a time when you watched them doing something and felt huge admiration for them. Enjoy the memory. What were they doing or saying? How did you feel? Now open your eyes and share the memory with your partner.

4 WE ALL want to feel heard. One technique that can help bring couples closer is to take turns asking each other questions, then focusing on the answers. Here are three questions you could ask:

■ WHAT are three of the best moments we have shared?

■ WHAT three things would you like us to do together during the next year?

■ WHAT was the last thing you remember really laughing at together?

5 ONE of the phrases we perhaps don’t use often enough in relationships is ‘thank you’. This is another example of a little going a long way when it comes to working at strengthening your emotional connections. Take turns completing the sentence: ‘Thank you for . . .’ Going back and forth three times each.

6 COMMUNICATION is key to enjoying a loving and sexually fulfilled relationship. So why not play the ThreeMinute Game? You can play this fully clothed or not. Either way you will learn something about yourself and your partner.

Here’s how to play: with a three-minute timer ready, say to your partner: ‘How would you like me to touch you for three minutes?’ Discuss so you’re both happy with what will happen, then spend three minutes giving them the touch they crave.

Swap roles, asking: ‘How would you like to touch me for three minutes?’ Again, discuss so that everyone is happy.

Couples I have coached say this one really works.