Mal Rogers Authentic tourist tips

TOURISM Ireland has teamed up with IFTA to create a new series of short videos to showcase Ireland to potential visitors.

The latest clip features Dublinborn actor Liam Cunningham — as Davos Seaworth in Game of Thrones Liam became a familiar face globally, so the right man for the job.

In the video, Liam riffs on what he likes about Ireland — scenery, friendliness, the craic and so on.

But with tourism expected to get moving later this year, it’s probably time to furnish visitors with a further guide of what to expect in Ireland.

▪ You have to thank the driver when you get off the bus.

▪ In rural areas, drivers of passing cars should wave at each other. The more rural it is, the heartier the salutation.

▪ Ninety percent of conversations in Ireland are about the weather. It’s customary to agree with the person you’re conversing with, no matter how misguided their viewpoint. Even if a stiff north-easterly blowing in off the Atlantic has brought torrential rain, you might find someone saying, ‘Fine soft day.’ Best to reply, ‘Aye, grand alright.’

▪ If someone is described as ‘a gas man altogether’ it doesn’t necessarily mean he works for Bord Gais.

▪ In a pub, if a member of staff drops a tray of glasses, it is obligatory to clap and cheer. This is a tradition also followed in Britain, but won’t be affected by Brexit. It’s a complex issue, but it’s more or less covered by Common Travel Area regulations.

▪ Strictly speaking, from June 22 you can say ‘Nights are fair drawin’ in’ although in practice this celebration of shorter days really only gets underway from around September, when it becomes obligatory. But be on standby from December 22 to get the first, ‘Grand stretch in the evening’ into the conversation.

▪ On matters of conversation, if someone describes an incident as ‘a holy show’, don’t, generally speaking, expect there to be a religious element to the incident. Rather, in the words of Miss Jean Brodie, ‘If scandal’s to your taste, prepare for a feast.’ This scandal, of course, may well have religious content, but not necessarily so.

▪ Still on stories: If you’re telling a rather good anecdote and someone — who may well be appreciatively laughing — says, ‘Ah, will ye stop!’ this column’s advice is: don’t stop.

▪ Vocabulary tip: yokes are interchangeable with thingummyjigs, doofers, whatchamacallits and thingies. But yokes are probably bigger than doofers, and the same size as the other two. All are very useful in conversation.

▪ Social distancing advice: if someone says ‘C’mere to me’, don’t move closer. They don’t actually require you to shuffle up to them.

▪ Fans of sport: the following advice is not covered by Common Travel Area regulations. If England are playing, for instance, Kazakhstan (or any other opponent) at football, you should support the English lads — after all most of the Irish international team play in the Premier league. And we are a mature, confident nation whose people no longer need to see our nearest neighbours humbled on the sports field. However, if your philosophy is slap it up them, then by all means cheer Kazakhstan every inch of the way, as if you’ve been born and bred on the Kazakh steppes.

▪ More sport: you may hear the song ‘You’ll never beat the Irish’ at sporting occasions. This should not be taken too literally. Ireland’s sports teams are beaten fairly regularly — most recently the Republic’s soccer team were trounced 1-0 by Luxembourg.

▪ In the wake of the Covid pandemic a report has found that Ireland is not fully prepared for the next major civil emergency. But we’ll be ready for the one after that, deffo.

▪ Cost of living: prices across the board are relatively high in Ireland —it’s one of the most expensive nations in the EU. But inflation is not too bad — around 0 .88 percent. Still, many people will remember the days when you could get a pint of Guinness and the bus home all for more or less what it would cost now.