One hell of a do...

ACTRESS Tilda Swinton’s red-carpet hairstyle at the Cannes Film Festival has drawn comparisons with Donald Trump’s distinctive mop. To my eyes, the quirky star’s shaved sides and blond quiff is more The Jedward than The Donald – and now that I can’t unsee it, I won’t be satisfied until she is cast in a biopic of the Dublin twins. As both of them, obviously.

KERRY Katona has snapped her way out of bankruptcy, mainly by selling photos of her feet to foot fetishists. I admit to a certain envy. Unfortunately, now that arthritis has set into my big toe, the only people interested in looking at photos of my erstwhile fabulous feet are orthopedic surgeons on the make.

I’m intrigued by a new report that suggests drinking more than six cups of coffee a day can reduce heart palpitations. Good to know – though I would have thought that the journey from two to six cups would be heart-thumping enough to turn even the most committed caffeine fan off.

SUGGESTIONS that the beds in the athletes’ village are made of cardboard in order to deter Olympic competitors from having sex have been laughed off by Irish gymnast Rhys McClenaghan, who posted a video demonstrating his robust bouncing technique on the bed to disprove the rumour. Still, with Covid cases on the rise amongst the international athletes, I would suggest that cardboard beds won’t be the greatest deterrent any amorous athletes will face.

FILMING will soon begin on The Wonder, the

movie adaptation of Emma Donohue’s extraordinary book, and the casting director is now looking for extras – specifying ‘men with long hair and beards’. After 16 months of lockdown, they might as well just ask for ‘men’.