Never mind ‘the change’ – focus on real change

DID you know that October is World Menopause Awareness Month, and that the 18th is ‘celebrated’ as World Menopause Awareness Day? If you don’t, it’s safe to presume you’ve been living under a rock.

Apologies if I sound glib, but honestly – my emails have been inundated with menopause research this and menopause awareness that for weeks now. I could recite the slew of symptoms in my sleep – mood swings, hot flashes, heart palpitations, night sweats, vaginal dryness, etc, etc.

And if it all plays out the way the menopause mob insist it will, at the very best I have but nine good years left before my transformation from once-nubile, fertile and relevant female to a dried up, obsolete, crazy cat lady will be complete.

In the 1800s, Dr Frances Skae called the menopause ‘climacteric insanity’ – which is something my 42-year-old self can’t wait to experience.

Menopause awareness? I’m more than aware this hell is coming for me, thanks all the same, and do you know what? I’m sick to my pre-calcium-deficient back teeth hearing about it.

Women have been dealing with hormonal issues their entire lives, and yet it’s only recently, in an age in which we share everything from the colour of our baby’s poo to our most recent panic attack online, we’ve started banging on about period power and the intricate nuances of our ovaries and other reproductive parts.

You see, I don’t think there’s anything empowering about that at all. What does it actually stand to achieve? Women and girls worldwide continue to fight for education. Women today are still paid much less than their male counterparts. We’re still grossly underrepresented at all levels of political leadership and CEO status. One in five females globally continues to experience sexual and physical violence at the hands of an intimate partner.

According to the UN, at the current rate of change, the global gender gap will not close for another 100 years. Will we spend another ten decades harping on about hormones? Thankfully I won’t be around to hear the half of it.

In my opinion, today’s mass menopause commentary is doing little to actually support women. It’s further stigmatising and defining us by our gender – reinforcing the stereotype of ageing females as grumpy old ones, not to mention terrifying those who have yet to go through it. Can you see the irony, that this is seen as progression?

Certain celebrity types – including Davina McCall to Meg Mathews – can’t stop talking about hot flashes, brain fog and vaginal atrophy. But the ones on the big bucks, like J-Lo, Madonna and Halle Berry, aren’t touching that with a clammy bargepole. Disingenuous, yes. Strategic? Definitely.

The only A-lister who will dare speak its name is the queen of Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow, pictured, and that’s because by doing so, she’s cashing on in the menopause gold rush. As if you want to manage your midlife like Gwynnie, you will need a lot of dosh.

Firstly, Goop sells Madame Ovary, a tantalising concoction of rhodiola rosea, lemon balm, motherwort, black cohosh and other exotic-sounding extracts at €77 a month. You can add an extra €47 for DTF, a specially formulated supplement to boost flagging libido; the Knock Me Out melatonin supplement for disturbed sleep; and then, of course, any number of vibrators designed with the older lady’s pleasure in mind.

WELL, at least she’s acknowledging that sexual drive still exists, which is more than most are doing. And in her defence, she’s attempting to put a positive spin on the whole affair, as a self-confessed perimenopausal. ‘I don’t think we have in our society a great example of an aspirational menopausal woman,’ she says on a video about the subject on Goop. Until you came along, Gwynnie! Other brands are gleefully milking the menopause, and it’s not surprising, given the lucrative market. In the US alone, the American Academy of Dermatology estimates that women ages 50 and older spend $22billion a year on beauty products. So now there’s vaginal moisturiser, lubricants, refreshing body wipes, a night cream and a menopausefriendly vibrator all stocking the shelves at Target. Don’t blush or flush – they’ll be coming to a Tesco near you before you know it. From menopause creams, cookware and memeemblazoned crockery – and even clothing – menopause is a big brand. Anyone for a T-shirt with the words: ‘I’m still hot, it just comes in flashes now’? I think I’ll pass too.

There’s no doubt that opening a conversation is good. Hormones can be hell – and women should feel able to speak out if they are struggling. Compassion should be shown, but let’s not make a sweaty song and dance over it.

Instead of virtue signalling with menopause policies, companies would be better placed to support women by paying them equally, and not discriminating because of their gender or age.

We need a sea change in culture. There’s a freedom that comes with getting older. It’s empowering, life-affirming, sexy and new – and our society needs to embrace it.

And guess what, folks? It happens to us all – women and men. So please, can we just try to remember that?