Get your man to brush up his skin regime — then pinch his products
IF I had my way, this would be a male beauty special, for which my beloved, Terence, had sampled a number of products, then we praised those that had made him significantly more attractive.
Alas, I did not have my way, and Terence refuses to avail himself of anything other than Nivea (from €1.99, boots.ie), bubble bath (when I’m buying it’s Badedas, (€11.99, boots.ie ) and the classic Imperial Leather Soap (€2 for three, supervalu.ie).
He rarely even obliges me with deodorant at home, being marginally more social when leaving the house. I persuaded him into this latter courtesy via Akt Deodorant Balm (€23, aktlondon.eu).
These stylish sweat-busters in recyclable aluminium tubes were created by a couple of West End performers who hated the options required to stand up to stage lights, craving something powerful, sustainable, beautifully designed and exquisitely scented.
The result is an all-natural, moisturising balm that lasts all day, can be applied anywhere on the body, and comes with a swanky brass massage applicator (€33).
Skin-wise, what I long for is for Terence to become a Monu man. I recently attended a bash and the thing that immediately struck me was how utterly amazing the middle-aged male guests’ complexions were: supple, sexy — they gleamed.
THAT night, at least, they may have been smoking up a storm. However, their skin was as radiant as if they lived off kale and fresh air.
Turns out, they were all acolytes of the firm Monu (monushop.co.uk). If you haven’t heard of it (I hadn’t), it’s because Monu is a salon brand, formulated by professionals for professionals. Given that its products will be used in salons, its wares need to show immediate results.
It is no coincidence that another company chaps tend to fall in love with, Dermalogica (dermalogica.ie), is also deployed in-salon. Men don’t care about the guff, or the hard sell — they just want stuff that works. Hence their devotion to straight-talking REN (renskincare.com).
Monu uses ‘active ingredients’, meaning plants, herbs, minerals and essential oils that have been proven to affect skin structure at a cellular level.
It doesn’t use artificial fragrances or colours, lanolin or potentially irritation-causing sodium lauryl sulfate. Everything is made and potted at its Cheltenham HQ in small batches. Dermo-pharmacist Dr Colette Haydon, who has worked with REN, Lancome and Aromatherapy Associates, is the onhand expert. The importance of proper cleansing sits at the heart of the brand: ten different variants are available. For once, let’s forget about my pashes, and ask what Monu’s menfolk would recommend. Luke, a luscious-skinned 48, is addicted to the Comfort Shave (€21), chock full of hydrating fatty acids, which he deploys to razor both face and scalp. He also admires the Restoring Cream Light (€57), which is all about lifting and toning more mature skin, while adding glow. Fiftysomething looker, Matt, relies on Men’s Age Combat (€37), because it’s ‘rich, but not cloying, and seems to relax my wrinkles while magically tightening everything up’.
When I compliment mid50s Ben on his dashing dermis, he practically passes out with pleasure.
‘I used to have hideous eczema and psoriasis, which would bleed,’ he says. ‘Monu’s Recovery Balm has been a literal face-saver, working wonders on parched patches. I’ve been using it religiously for four years.
‘And I’m obsessed with the Firming Fiji Facial Oil, which is brilliant for complexions as neurotic as mine.’
Where the women’s skincare industry has headed towards arcane chemical high-tech that can actually thin and irritate skin in the name of ‘perfecting’ it, these male approaches do their faces more good by doing less.
In short, we girls could learn a lot from them.
All that’s needed on top will be a SPF, and, behold, your man will boast a skincare stash you’ll want to steal.
I never talked about it. I didn’t go to a therapist. I didn’t talk to my wife about it. I didn’t talk to anyone about it.’
Rose, who has since remarried, still sometimes feels a cloud descending on him.
‘Churchill had the “black dog”. I do get the black dog, but I beat myself up and say: “Right, OK, you’ve had three days of this. Snap out of it”.’
Despite his achievements and accolades, Rose still has a surprising amount of insecurity.
He is 73, but still works six days a week. He admitted to us: ‘The workaholic bit has only come because I’m terrified of failure and having no earning capacity.
‘I’m not going to have to worry where the next meal is going to come from. But I have restless dissatisfaction, which I think is a positive thing.’
He is convinced that dealing with tragedy early in life ‘hardened’ him and gave him the qualities needed to succeed in the ruthless world of business. Having lost a parent in such traumatic circumstances, he can handle the most cut-throat takeover bid or disloyal colleague.
‘Life deals you all sorts of things — don’t always take everything as bad. How do you turn a negative into a positive? No one is trapped. What’s more tragic than death?’
When we asked him what he wished he’d known when he was young, he replied: ‘Don’t get complacent. It might all disappear.’
THE idea that, as Nietzsche put it, ‘that which does not kill us makes us stronger’ is at the heart of many of the stories human beings have told themselves throughout history, whether in real life or fiction.
‘Grit’ and ‘resilience’ have become 21st-century buzzwords — skills ‘taught’ in schools and on management courses. But survivors of adversity do not have to cultivate these qualities in classes. They acquired them the hard way.
Manchester City footballer Raheem Sterling has described the impact of his traumatic childhood. ‘When I was two, my father was murdered. That shaped my entire life,’ he wrote.
His mother left him and his sister with their grandmother in Jamaica while she worked in England, and he recalls feeling jealous of other children who had their mums.
When he was five he joined his mother in London, but life there was tough. As a child he would sometimes wake at 5am to go and help her clean hotel toilets before school. His elder sister would take him on three buses to get to football training every day.
Yet the family’s struggle gave him the strength and determination to succeed in one of the most competitive sports in the world. ‘My mum sacrificed her life to get me here,’ he later explained. ‘My sister sacrificed her life to get me here. My whole mission was to get a proper [playing] contract so they didn’t have to stress any more.’
Tennis champion Andy Murray was nine when the Dunblane massacre unfolded at his school. He finds it too painful to talk about face to face, but in an interview recorded as a voice memo on his phone for a documentary in 2019, he described how he had dealt with his emotions through sport.
‘My feeling towards tennis is that it’s an escape for me in some ways. Because all of these things are stuff that I have bottled up. They are not things that are discussed. Tennis allows me to be that child that has all these questions, and that’s why tennis is important to me.’
There is such a clear pattern of triumph over tragedy and misfortune that several people have told us they worry that their own happy, healthy children will be hampered by the lack of any real struggle. Throughout history, tragedy and trauma have been the catalyst for great art, music and literature. Vincent van Gogh painted while in emotional torment; John Lennon and Paul McCartney forged their creative partnership after the deaths of their mothers; John Milton wrote Paradise Lost after losing his wife, his daughter and his eyesight. Of course, not all survivors of adversity react by chasing success. Many are left with a debilitating post-traumatic stress disorder from which they never recover. Psychologist Nassir Ghaemi thinks the long-term effect may be as much about people’s innate character as the context in which they find themselves. ‘It has to do with the interaction between your traumatic life experience and your personality,’ he suggests. Those with a ‘manic personality’ are most likely to gain strength from adversity. They have all the traits of resilience, they’re positive, they’re future-oriented, they have large social networks. ‘They tend to be very charismatic people, and they’re also creative, so they might find creative ways of dealing with the negative life experience
‘You can’t forget your upbringing. It’s what made me’
they had,’ he adds.
Most of our interviewees do not now see the adversity they suffered as a disadvantage; rather it is an integral part of their identity and their success.
Perhaps they are the lucky ones — but many have learned to make their own luck. Their refusal to allow themselves to be categorised as victims is a common theme.
There are lessons for us all from their extraordinary lives. Parents can take comfort from the fact that children are astonishingly adaptable. Instead of trying to protect them at every turn, we need to let them discover the world, develop resilience and self-reliance.
Alex Ferguson, widely regarded as the best football manager of all time, grew up in a tenement block in Govan, one of the poorest areas of Glasgow. Football was his way out of poverty.
There was, however, no self-pity as he described to us the strong sense of community and work ethic he learned as a child.
In fact, he seemed almost nostalgic about the struggles he had left behind. ‘You can’t forget your upbringing, because that’s what’s made me,’ he told us.
Then he paused. ‘I remember reading in a newspaper article, “Alex Ferguson’s done well despite coming from Govan”.’
But, he says: ‘It’s because I came from Govan that I did well.’
■ ADAPTED from What I Wish I’d Known When I Was Young: The Art And Science Of Growing Up, by Rachel Sylvester and Alice Thomson, to be published by HarperCollins on Thursday priced at €24.99. © 2022 Alice Thomson and Rachel Sylvester.