A clean break from tidying up is the best method for sparking joy

MARIE Kondo, the queen of clean, said this week that she’s had a bit of a lifestyle change since her third child was born, and as such is now perfectly happy living in squalor. Okay, not quite, but the admission from this pristine woman – who made a lucrative career from being tidy – that her house was ‘messy’ is jarring enough.

Mothers – and possibly dads, although that’s questionable – drew a collective sigh of relief at Kondo’s dramatic U-turn this week. (Personally, I stopped the painstaking process of KonMari-folding my daughters’ school Aertexes and reverted to my preferred sorting technique of squashing them into the nearest drawer).

Clearly, it was the third child that tipped the tidying guru over the edge, realising that no matter how hard she tried, her home was just not going to live up to the same exacting standards she held so dear pre-motherhood. She was fighting a losing battle, and fair play to her for admitting it.

In fact, in exposing her struggle to maintain the aesthetically perfect home, deeming it ‘messy’ at a media webinar and virtual tea ceremony this week, she’s done us all a great service.

In publicly proclaiming her shift in priorities, she’s taken the pressure off not just herself, but her millions of her ‘Konverts’ across the globe who have forfeited social lives, time with family and possibly even sleep just so they can sort out their sock drawers.

‘Just after my older daughter was born, I felt unable to forgive myself for not being able to manage my life as I had before,’ the 38-year-old, right, reflected on her website following the birth of her third child in 2021.

‘But, with time, I eased up on myself; then, after I gave birth to my second daughter, I let go of my need for perfection altogether,’ she wrote.

Motherhood has changed Marie – and not just because she doesn’t have the time to hold various household objects or clothing in her hands, pondering whether they spark joy or not, before folding them carefully or chucking them away. She’s also realised that there are other things in life that are far more important than a neat wardrobe.

Kondo easing up on herself may be the start of an untidy (aka real-life) revolution. Indeed, there are signs that it’s here already – the term ‘normal house’ has been trending since TikTok influencer Hannah Home Educates questioned the veracity of Insta-worthy houses, asking whether anyone had normal homes any more.

I would go as far as to say that this continual feed of Instagram life perfection is a form of oppression, designed to keep women in the home, scrubbing and sorting.

And as much as you try to ignore it, perfection is pervasive. As a mum of two daughters (and four small animals), I endlessly berate myself for not doing enough, or being enough.

IN fact, with work and children, the gym and dog walking and, you know, the things you need to do to keep alive, like sleeping and eating, the time I spend on housework is minimal, and this feels like a cardinal sin. I’ll confess to feeling racked with guilt, as I scroll, sloth-like of an evening, coveting Insta-worthy houses or watching the latest tidying hacks on TikTok, which I always plan to try but never quite get round to. I know, I know, as a journalist, I should be more cynical, and that what is presented to the masses is rarely the truth, but it still gets me. I long for a pictureperfect home, with sparkling floors and freshly ironed bed linen, and I feel like a bit of a failure when I glance about my own somewhat chaotic house and see piles of unsorted (at least clean) laundry, and drawers full of random bric-a-brac that will never see the light of day. It doesn’t help that I grew up in a house as an only child, with a mother with OCD cleaning tendencies. It’s hard to believe some days that I am the offspring of a woman who irons teatowels.

I feel, however, that things are about to change, spurred by Ms Kondo’s wokeness towards mess. I’m not suggesting that we live in our own filth, but a shift in mindset about what really sparks joy in our increasingly busy lives is welcome and needed.

Of course, Marie is ahead of the curve here – her latest book is inspired by the Japanese concept of kurashi, or ‘way of life’. ‘By expanding the question, “Does this spark joy?” to your mindset and actions, you’ll discover what your ideal life looks like,’ reads the blurb for Kurashi At Home on her website.

If that involves chilling on your couch instead of cleaning, or baking with your children and making an incredibly messy kitchen in the process, so be it.

Real life is rarely tidy – and that’s perfectly fine (just ask Marie Kondo).