What planet does Walker think he’s on?

DID Kyle Walker really think it would help ease the pain of his heavily pregnant wife Annie to parade his on-off affair with Lauryn Goodman – with whom he fathered two children – across five pages of a national newspaper?

I can only imagine his grovelling apologies and pleas for his ‘best friend’ Annie to forgive him. What a humiliation for her and their three sons.

‘What I’ve done is horrible and I take full responsibility,’ said Kyle, as if there was anyone else he could blame for his affair with Lauryn.

To make matters worse for poor Annie, he must have been having sex with her at the same time, since she’s pregnant with their fourth son.

‘I made idiot choices and idiot decisions. I can’t begin to think or imagine what Annie is going through,’ he told The Sun. It’s not the first time.

Let’s not forget the orgy he hosted with two escorts and a ‘friend’ during the coronavirus lockdown, or the time Annie – then his girlfriend – kicked him out after he had sex with a reality star in his 4x4. On each occasion, I’m sure, Kyle told her it would be the last time – then let her down again.

How can the Man City ace possibly claim that ‘family comes before anything on this planet’? It makes me wonder: What planet is he on?

‘The man that’s meant to love, care and be there for her, did this... There have been days in this ordeal where I’ve just wanted to curl up in a ball and go to sleep,’ he said as he sobbed and twiddled his wedding ring. Even more unpleasant in my opinion was when he invoked his children.

‘My little boy goes to sleep with me every night and to not have him… because of my mistake, my choices, that pains me,’ he said. I’m sure that’s a fraction of the pain that Kyle’s children will feel when they’re old enough to realise what their father did. And all for what? To father two children out of wedlock with a woman who’s proved herself to be no saint either. Remember how Lauryn called Annie around Christmas to give her graphic details of the affair – proving Kyle was the father of her second child and producing snaps of him, her and their two children on play dates.

In Kyle’s mea culpa, he dismisses these romps with Lauryn as ‘an episode’. He offers as proof that he never had a ‘relationship’ with her that they’d ‘never been out for food’ or ‘been to the cinema’. To clinch it, he added: ‘Would she even know how many sugars I have in my coffee?’ These are the words of a man who doesn’t understand relationships.

Yesterday ‘Instagram influencer’ Lauryn sought her revenge. She shared a post appearing to brand Kyle a ‘pathological narcissist’.

It continued: ‘Pathological lying is the only way they know how to live. Lying to everyone and even more importantly, lying to themselves. It’s not you – always remember that.’ Despite Kyle buying her a £2million home and paying maintenance for their two children, in the end Lauryn didn’t get what she presumably wanted: To take Kyle for herself.

There’s a lot at stake for the soccer star. Perhaps he realises his sponsors, like Puma, might not stick around for long if this saga drags on. Or maybe it’s the thought that his £27million fortune won’t go very far when it has to pay for a divorce settlement with Annie, and child support for Lauryn.

I smell the whiff of a master PR operation here – to protect both Annie and his kids, yes – but also his own bank account and reputation.

But Annie has other ideas. She’s reportedly enlisted the help of Coleen Rooney’s feared lawyer Paul Lunt – who won her the ‘Wagatha Christie’ court battle against Rebekah Vardy – for divorce proceedings.

I hope she gets a fair deal. Annie and her children deserve better. Divorced, gorgeous and with a healthy settlement, she might find a man who treats her with respect.

As they say in the beautiful game, a very costly own goal for Kyle Walker.